Monday, December 15, 2008

The day the earth stood still...

So yay, happy 30th blog post to me today! It seems like just yesterday I was writing my first blog - talking about nonsense and complaining about the Pittsburgh recycling system. Thank you to my loyal readers, who may or may not even exist.

Another point of congratulations falls on my unyielding pursuit of small amounts of free money... MY MOVIE WON!! They actually bought that I was a serious student who cared about time management and have sent a check for $50 to my estate. I rock.

And speaking of rock...

My post-finals life has been swallowed by the phenomenon of Rock Band 2. On an impromptu trip to Best Buy to purchase a router for his parents, Craig and I came to the rationale that we love each other very much and therefore would spend upwards of $80 on each other for Christmas and what better way than the gift of music?! So we bought it on the spot, took it home, plugged in and BLEW THE NEIGHBORHOOD AWAY.

There's 3 instruments and only 2 of us so he plays drums and I rock lead guitar and vocals (with frequent switching it up, of course). My body aches now though, my eyes are blood shot from following the lyrics and the guitar chords simultaneously. I have a headache and my throat is killing me. Mucho respect for David Lee Roth, I don't know how he does it.

Anyway, our band is called GrossFriendz and the drummer, Calmandu, is dating the lead singer, Lee Pawnee, who is actually sleeping with the guitarist, Jittney Cobb, on the side. Sexy.

Come over and Battle of the Bands with us!!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Movie Star

You guys will enjoy this one. It's Tuesday night of finals week meaning, anything and everything is a distraction from my studying/presentation practicing. And today is the freaking bane of my scholarly existence:

First, a Woot Off! It's all junk but what do I care, it gives me a reason to refresh my browser every 90 seconds. And my last woot purchased arrived today, a lovely Samurai tee shirt, hot.

Second, I get this email from some Student Health 101 magazine that's running a competition for $50 prize to whoever films a 1-2 minute clip explaining some helpful tips in the areas of studying, time management, stress, etc. Welp - it took less than a blink for me to have Photo Booth open and get to filming.

For your viewing pleasure:

Oh yea, and I lied about being a senior, it made me feel like a loser to say "I'm a graduate student"

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Deep Brain Stimulation

I got J-Naus today when my iPod earbuds conducted a raging current of winter shock electricity through my ears and into my prefrontal lobe. I hate static cling and getting shocked, it's one of the worst things about being an organic species. This jolt, however, did shock me into a great idea for today's blog. No that's not true, but it did cure my stutter and turn my eyes pink.

Also not true, but let's just move on. There's this squirrel that loiters outside of my lab building everyday. It's the weirdest effing squirrel I've ever seen. Ya know how when you try to pet squirrels or tickle their bellies they usually run away? What you don't try to rub their bellies? Well this squirrel must be rabid because it is seriously not people shy at all. One day I was trying to leave and it wouldn't let me because every time I tried to open the door it would try to run in. I didn't know what to do becuase this went on for like 20 minutes. I was stuck, I couldn't let a rodent into a sterile science research facility (although, I'm sure he could have been put to good use). So I took a picture:

So what do I do? I mean, right? I was stuck! And I was scared! This squirrel had an agenda. Well the anticlimax is that he left and I exited, and well, that's that, but it could have been MUCH worse.

Today's reason why engineers are annoying:
"Oh we love computers, we are so computer smart, we can solve any computing problem in the whole worrrllllddd" Hm, really, Engineer? Then how come there's a line 12 people deep waiting for a PC in the computer lab when there are 3 rows of Macs available?

Macs and hot chicks must be linked in the nervous system since both scare the poop outta engineers.

Over and out ;-)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My parents are cooler than me

I don't know about you all, but I grew up listening to stories from my parents about this concert, and that festival, and so and so's live act, and yadda yadda yadda. I didn't think anything of it when our weekend's included watching illegal concert tapes that they recorded and I would occasionally have to cover my eyes but NEVER my ears. My parent's weren't hippies - more like stoners, I'd say. I recently found out that they grew weed behind the basement fridge where I would keep my Kool-Aid Bursts.

So, I mean, they are definitely cooler than me. They're repertoire of concerts is incredible: Queen, the Stones, Dylan, it goes on. This made me feel the need to re-evaluate my list of concerts to compare and see myself as a rad-hipster as well. So please enjoy the following list of my top 5 concert experiences:

5. Sitting three rows from Interpol at quite possibly the coolest venue (Benedum Center) for an avant-garde band.

4. Taking my shoes off and moshing in a cloud of dust while the lead singer of Gogol Bordello was passed around above the audience balancing himself on a large drum.

3. Walking 3 blocks from my house to see Tom Gabel of Against Me! rock out perfectly. I mean this guy has been scream-rocking for over a decade and his voice sounds amazing, also.... HE PLAYED AN OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW SONG! Gotta love a guy who can go from punk to folk without skipping a beat (reminds me of my Craigger)

The above equation sums up my second favorite concert experience. Standing in line for 20 minutes to watch My Morning Jacket play for 3+ hours (about 30 songs)! This band is what unbelievable concerts are made of, every song sounded incredible, we were right by the beer stand, they played all of our favorites, and Matt Salopek was there!!

1. Best concert ever (well, so far). June 2007, Manchester Tennesse, me, Craig, and Sting. Seeing The Police at Bonnaroo was definitely #1. From the beginning it was chaos: when Craig and I threw a backpack of IC Light over a wall in front of police and SWAT so that we could drink, shoving our way into the front third of the 300,000 people who were there, watching Craig relieve a little message in a bottle for Sting, oh and did I mention we were so ***happy to be there*** that I was halucinating cavemen in the crowd?!

Take that, Mom and Dad.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Nirvana and Against Me!

So I just napped in the quiet room of Benedum Library - something I haven't done since college! It's nirvana in that room. I can take my shoes off, sprawl out, and it's absolutely silent. Only con is that it's surrounded by windows so every engineer and their brother (...or sister) can watch my sleepy time habits.

People I am fed up with:
1. Dr. Federspiel - just a play on words here, although I am FED up with him and his math homework assignments
2. MEDCO - I am trying to get my prescription mail ordered to me so I don't have to pay $45 every month and go to CVS and wait on that dumb red couch, but everytime I call to work it out there's an issue. Either I have to get my pharmacy to fax the prescription AGAIN or their computers are down, or my phone dies (ok, so that's my problem but still...)
3. Construction workers at Benedum. As if you could possibly fit any more skeezy men into this building, they go and hire 50,000 construction workers to gawk at the females, piss on the co-ed toilet seats, and chatter outside the classrooms all day. Also, I have come to the conclusion that a construction workers day consists of 10% construction work, 70% eating lunch, and 20% going to the bathroom.

That's my rant. Obviously I am a little cranky when I wake up from naps. I have to go to Fed's class now and BS my homework assignment.

Take care, cyber kids.

OH! And guess what?! Against Me! is playing at Garfield Artworks, literally a block from my house! If anyone out there is an Anarco-punk fan looking for some fun, let me know and I'll get ya tickets! Show's Nov. 23 (sorry, Ved).

Monday, November 10, 2008

Wasted (Time and Money, not Alcohol)

How much time have I wasted waiting for busses? I mean mathematically it's a challenging question:

If I wait on average 10 minutes/day for a bus (54C) or shuttle to the Biotech center that comes to about an hour a week. And if I am in school for 30 weeks out of the year, I mean good god, that's more than a day I have been waiting around twiddling my thumbs. I suppose it's better than the time I would waste walking everywhere, but at least I'd be working out or enjoying scenery. While standing and waiting, I'm literally doing NOTHING, even my thinking is stupid cause I am distracted by things like birds or near car wrecks.

But if I try to multi-task (by blogging, like I am now) I most likely miss the bus and the process is dragged on.

Similarly, how much money have I wasted on parking tickets? See, when I end up missing said busses or shuttles, I usually resort to driving which commonly ends in some sort of ticket. Any of the following which I have memorized due to frequent occurences:

$11 illegal meter parking in Friendship (x3/year)
$25 illegal meter parking in Oakland (x100s/year)
$15 street cleaning in Oakland (x20/year)
$8 all day parking in O'hara garage (x2/year)

All of these added to the $168 and $21 I paid for a Biotech center parking pass and H-area permit zone, respectively. The math is mind blowing.

I'm not going to eat this week to make up for all this lost time and money. I do plan on continuing to drive to school, wait for busses, and drink, so the balance will still end in the red.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

State of Nausea

I feel nauseated at least once a day. Everyday. I know this isn't normal but I also know it isn't serious, it's just me. I never ACTUALLY vom, but the feeling is so strong and real and I often do wack things to calm myself down. Let me walk you through this:

What provokes my Jamie Nausea (J-Naus):
- the bus ride to and from the biotech center (very bumpy, very jerky)
- hurting myself (especially when its cold out, oh man)
- nervousness
- church

Church is the only J-Naus that actually produces results. I think it has to do with the crowded area, standing alot, and the events of Saturday evening that fall onto Sunday morning. That stuff, or it's a natural exorcism of all my evils. Either way, I've had to excuse myself more than once (by excuse I mean haul ass to the back of the church to kneel to my Lord and present to him my gifts)...

Nervousness is a doozie too since this often means I'm doing something important like giving a speech. When I was the keynote at graduation I was walking down the procession line and blacking out and holding back the J-Naus and I grabbed a water bottle from a lady sitting and chugged it to bring myself to. Could you imagine?! What if I had thrown up or collapsed in front of my graduating class, professors, parents, deans... good god, that would have been it.

So basically, I am a pro at recognizing the fatal signs and correcting for them. If I am standing in front of people and feel it, I pretend to tie my shoe (even if there's no laces) so the blood can return to my stupid ass head. On the jerky bus, i press my face against the cold window and stare at my hand. Hahaha this is so funny, I crack myself up. Why do I find myself in these problems? I know it's all psychosomatic, I'm an anxiety explosion.

So anyway I just thought to blog about this as I was dry heaving after jamming my finger this morning.

Hey thanks for participating in my poll... I did NOT pull out of the market, although I tried. I was a breath away from withdrawing everything but I couldn't figure out the website. Then the next day I went up $1000. YYYEeeeeaaaa boiiii.

Halloween is coming, I can't wait. Here's a spooky ghoul to get you in the mood:

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Ebony and Ivory

Big debate tonight, the final clash of ebony and ivory. As a young liberal, I'm looking forward to seeing some polarized debate over domestic issues. I think my readers will agree that till we have fixed income and families, the most pressing issues that concern us are generally of the domestic variety. I don't know if this is the definition of stubborn or if others agree, but it seems like some of these issues have a clear solution, I don't even see a need to debate.

If Sarah Palin states that we don't want to live in some big-brother government telling us what to do and not do (as she did in the vice presidential debate) how can she be PRO-LIFE?! As I see it, that's exactly what this stance says, "You will follow this rule with no exceptions." And teaching abstinence only education is simply ludacris to me. While you're at it why don't you cut out evolution, too. After all, the more uneducated we make our children, the more likely they'll be to turn Republican at 18.

Both sides have been clearly open about their opinions on gay marriage. Both are against. We need to get over this gay-straight thing.

I was driving through rural Pittsburgh this weekend on my way to a pumpkin patch and I saw a ton of signs that said, "Democrats for McCain". They could have saved some money on printing if they just wrote, "Racists", cause that's all that means.

I don't even love Obama, he's good, he speaks wonderfully and has an amazing presence, but I'm not completely sold. The point is I am just incredibly against this particular Republican campaign. In my book, they are doing everything wrong. Basing a whole campaign on character is ok if you're running for Miss Alaska, but not the US EXECUTIVE BRANCH! Where's the versatility? They have outwardly stated that they didn't want to hold a campaign based on economics because it's not McCain's strong point. Does this mean if he wins the presidency, he isn't going to address the economic issues?

I made a picture, hehe...

Friday, October 10, 2008

I got my mind on my money and my money on my mind

Hello folks,

So let's talk stock market. As an uneducated investor (only the best kind there is), I'm feeling pretty helter skelter about this debacle. 5 months ago, I invested the only large sum of money I have ever been able to call my own. Today, it is halved. I don't want to look at my portfolio because I am a "long term investor" but frankly, I am scared of bottoming out. It's like if I have enough to last through this tough time, I know it'll grow again so that's why I want to stay in, but I just don't know if my money will last through it.

Different forecasters are positive about the correction of the problem, but they also predict that this isn't the lowest the market will go. In fact they are calling for an ultimate low of -30% by 2010. Awesome, just in time for me to be an adult.

And on the flip side, what if I decide to grow a set and actually look into buying more stocks now while the market is low?

Basically, this is a decision that has no "sure thing" answer. Please add your two cents (or 15 grand if you're feeling up to it...) to my poll that I made.

Friday, October 3, 2008

New look, Same great taste

OH SNAP! Look who remembers how to HTML code!

The theme of my week has been, "Pimp that ---" where the "---" can be substituted with MacBook Pro, Blog, even math homework. For my Mac, I have DEF taken it to another level. New software, new background, more organized and faster (and of course, all changes were 100% legal). Obviously my blog has been pimped. Maybe a little too much, I may need to tone it down a bit. And well, my math homework has been pimped because I decided to write as nicely and largely as possible to defer the grader from realizing that no problem is technically done.

Weekend holds alot of work in store. Gotta pimp the house, pimp the NSF grant, and force myself to stop using "pimp".

Till next time...

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Damn it feels good to be a grad student

PAYDAY!! Whoop thaaa raaa (thats my slur of "whoop there it is"). Besides being stuck in 1992 as my post today has proven, I am also soooo happy to have made bank. This is my first pay check in awhile and crap, I just realized something. Like as I was typing I realized something that sucks. I was all stoked cause my pay was huge! But I realized that it includes my last month of pay from the Lupus Center so I won't be getting this much every month. Eh well, at least this month looks good.

I want to take this time to let you guys know what I do everyday that you don't see me. I am really proud of the work I have been doing and I'd like to share:

Class 1 - Mathematical Methods in Chemical Engineering
This class can be defined as the area under the hard as hell curve. But I'm still going, falling behind I promise you, but moving just the same. Fun fact about this class: Dr. Federspiel took us all out for an end of the month happy hour to Hem's where the beers were on him. Fun right? Oh yea and guess what else? Thanks to a Miller Light promotion, Dr. Fed's bottomless generosity, and Craig's skeezy way of including himself in the party - BOTH Craig and I were selected from a raffle, individually, and left the bar with $600 total to go on a spring break trip. Look out, JAMAICA!!!!

Class 2 - Cardiovascular System Dynamics and Modeling
This class is the definition of bioengineering and I absolutely love it. All of our assignments have been intense programming and modeling of the cardiovascular system as an electrical circuit (makes me wanna get a tattoo real bad). I want to show you my code but an anonymous reader has told me that was lame.... Oh well, EFF them:

OOOHHhh, check out that human input impedance spectra. Doesn't seeeeem impressive BUT I had to perform fourier transforms into the frequency domain and then convert back to time domain for analysis. If you don't know what I am saying, you're cool, stay that way ;-)

Now there's a sexy plot! The clinical curve is real human arterial pressure data... the dumber looking bottom curve is what I did! Haha, it's actually good though, since that curve was modeled after a circuit composed of only 2 resistors and a capacitor arranged in parallel. Who's laughing now?! Hmm, no one is, good point, let's change the subject...

Lastly, is my TA class. How I love people who are just learning MATLAB... so frustrated, so hateful, if only they knew MATLAB is the language of technical computing. No really, it is, look here. It's fun.

So I don't ride the 54C to school anymore since my lab has a parking lot. This means I don't get my daily fix of Pittsburgh's best characters. When a door closes, however, a window always opens -- my gym is a gold mine of weirdos! I won't elaborate now but trust me, sweaty, middle-aged nurses and business women make for great talking points ;-)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Kanye West, Ph.D.

So I am back in the grant writing phase, ladies and gentlemen. This means Mama needs money and she's gonna sell herself to get it. This is all in the realm of science, of course, which adds an element of sexiness, I think. I am appliyng for a rather large research grant called the Graduate Research Fellowship sponsored by the National Science Foundation (NSF). If granted, I will have my entire PhD paid for. Umm... Cha Ching. Last year I applied and got honorable mention, so I am optimistic since I have improved my merit rankings and research findings since then. I hate these essays though, I'll tell ya what. It's very hard to write catchy ideas that attract and hold a reader's attention.... oh wait - I do that every time I blog! Oh I'm just playing, I don't love myself THAT much ;-)

This is what I have brainstormed so far for my personal statement:

A wise man once preached, "Everything I'm not made me everything I am." I feel that Mr. West (aka. Kan the Louis Vuitton Don) was really onto something when he released this pearl of wisdom. We'll never make it through life as candy-coated sucka-ass bitches, instead, we must rise up like Yung Hove and set an example for the world.

That's all I have so far, I have to figure out a way to tie that into cardiovascular disease.

Oh that's enough playing around for now... you kids run off and have some fun, Mama has to get back to work.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Calling it Quits

Whoever said, "Haste Makes Waste" was obviously not a Scrabble player...

I had the most heart wrenching experience today playing Scrabulous. Thinking of my blog 24/7, I decided to document this event from start to finish to allow my readers to live vicariously through the following screen shots:

Figure 1. Ohhh, hmm... perhaps I'll have a chance at the elusive, "QUIXOTIC"

Figure 2. Oh my god, it can happen, it can actually happen! I just need a U on the board...

Figure 3. Waiting for it, waiting for it... Take note of the score differential as well as my sad attempt to apologize via chat.

Figure 4. After passing about 7 times, I finally get a U and it's in a bullshit place. What do you think I do?? Do I keep waiting?? Or do I....

Figure 5. QUIT!

Alfred Butts must be turning in his grave. The dream was over. If you're wondering why I want quixotic so bad, it's that the MINIMUM i could get would be 76 points! Not to mention that it was the first BINGO ever, obtained originally by Mrs. Alfred Butts.

Thanks for journeying through defeat with me. Next time you sit to play any derivative of Scrabble, remember this:

Anyone can play a 76 point word, but only assholes QUIT...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Tow Jam

Yesterday sucked. In every possible way. Yet I sustained a fantastic mood throughout the day. I love when I do that.

I brought my Netflix with me to mail and left them in my lab which I didn't return to until 2 so missed a damn day with no flix.

I got to my first class late and made a racket getting to my seat.

After class I printed a 231 page document on the color printer in the bioengineering lab which is uber unallowed.

I went to hole punch about 70 of these pages at once and encountered my first jam of the day. This wasn't your typical, "Oh silly me" kind of jam, oh no, this thing was clenched. And I wouldn't give a damn except that my only options were 1)fix this thing or 2)throw away the stupid hole punch and reprint pages 1-70. Well anyone who knows Eric, the nazi of B63, knows #2 was absolutely not an option. At first I went at this punch thinking, ok, this is no biggie I just need to release the punchers and free the paper. Jesus Christ, people, I had to dismantle the whole thing. 15 screws, a busted spring, and myriad small paper circles later, I had released my document. What a waste of time...

Next I go to return my library books that I find out are 8 days overdue. Total = $3.70. Bite me.

I return to my vehicle to find 2nd jam of the day. My key no longer feels like it has a place in my ignition, I guess. I jiggle and jaggle and jerk and twirk but nothing, not a damn thing. And I really don't have time for this. I have to tutor stupid ass freshmen how to multiply [1 2 3] by [1;2;3]. So luckily, my shining knight is studying at Hillman and comes to relieve me from the jerking and twirking. He couldn't fix it either.

I fainted in class cause all I ate was a bowl of Italian Wedding Soup for lunch and went to the gym for a long time. Luckily this happens to me all the time, so I pretended I was tying my ballerina flat and put my head between my legs till I came to.

8:30 - My TA class is over, I return to the car, and still nothing. I guess it's AAA time. I call, they promise me an hour at most. I ring em back after an hour twenty and they say, "Sorry, babe, give it 30 more" Now this sucks, I haven't been home, Craig cooked a dinner I can't eat, and I'm just so sad.

I go to get a snack at 7-11 and see the lovely Lauren Anglestein! We chat, she lifts my spirits and as I am checking out, I get the AAA call! I was too excited, I didn't even complete the transaction, I just ran out of there after throwing my Cheez-Its at the cashier.

Ole Danny Boy from AAA fixed up the car... Guess how - BY JERKING AND TWIRKING! What does he have that I don't have?!

I'll never know. But at least I got home and didn't have to call a tow truck and wait another hour for that. Oh man, what a day.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Friday, September 5, 2008

~ Sinusoids ~

I realize it has been awhile since I updated my blog, but my readers should note that summer Jamie Neutron and fall Jamie Neutron are very different isotopes...

I'm swamped...

But in the most fantastic way! I absolutely love where I am going with graduate school. My classes are damn near impossible, but I am so intrigued by the subject matter and, to my surprise, I am getting it! I'm taking Cell Biology, Cardiovascular System Dynamics and Remodeling, and Mathematical Models in Chemical Engineering. All of my professors are world renown and they are so unbelivably good at lecturing. I wish I could speak like they do :-/

Also, it is so good to research again. Getting down and dirty, knee deep in Matlab's where I belong. Yesterday was weird though. I wrote code to plot 2 constituve equations that measure the amount of strain energy on mouse small renal arteries against each other to see if using one model over another would make any big difference. I didn't expect that it would since one model derived from another but my result was weird as hell. I got a sinusoid!!?! Jigga what?! Take a look:

God damn sinusoids...

I have a lab meeting today at 11, hopefully a more advanced mind can interpolate what this little magic carpet even means.

I had dinner with MickyHane last night. She's so cute, we had fun. But, quite honestly, when I was visiting her dorm, I started to pine for days gone by. How freaking amazing was freshmen year?? I feel like an old fart, but really, college was the best. I walked into her dorm room and the TV was on while her roomie was doing homework, there was a laundry drying rack in the middle of the room, pictures from high school all over the wall, and random people popping their heads in the door to say hey. That experience was like nothing else, I want it back...

Alssooooo, Craig and I went to Myrtle Beach last weekend. It was perfect, such a great time: Beers on the beach, all you can eat meat buffet (this has nothing to do with the fact that I was staying with 4 guys), lounging by the pool, road trip with Matt, and MY MORNING JACKET! Take note, readers, this band is going to explode, they are by far the best live act out there and their energy is only out beat by their amazing music! I'm on my work PC, but when I get home, I'll upload the footage I took at the concert, unbelievable.

So this isn't quirky and silly like my other posts but I really feel different these days. I'm getting really serious about school and I am excited to do big things this year...

Let's still get drunk tonight, though.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


I bet you are wondering what the title of my blog means. Well Ka,oe (pronounced Kapoot, in my opinion) is the stupid thing I type when I am trying to type my name too fast. This happens at least 3 times a day, usually while logging into gmail and I need to re-enter my login. So I am going to take this on as my new alter-ego: Ka,oe - just a fast girl in a fast, fast world.

Ok, anyway...

School starts on Monday, here are the reasons I know I am off to a great start:

1. Two of my classes (out of the 3 grad classes I scheduled) completely overlap times. Hear that, Professors? Better impress me or its your class I'm gonna be skipping everyday.

2. I sort of, kinda, told my work I'll stay on full time for one more week. Hmm, it's going to be busy...

3. As a graduate student I will go to class 50% and work in a lab 50%. Isn't it great that my lab is located at the bottom of Bates hill and I'll be hiking up and down that S.O.B. everyday???

4. I'll be missing classes on Friday and Monday in liu of a little Myrtle Beach road trip with Craigger. Eh, first classes are just going over the syllabus anyway, right?!

But on the upside, Little Micky Hane Hane is coming to Pittsburgh in 1 week! I can't wait to have that kid around. I'm going to love watching her tackle her freshmen year. Nobody buy her booze ok? Make her work for it (ew, not like that, Dallas, c'mon).

So let's take Summer '08 out big ok? Let's have a great time this weekend, all together.

Peace and Love,

Monday, August 18, 2008

fif-tee fore sea

So another Monday finds me riding the 54C to work. By the way, my office moved from dirty south oakland (past the BLVD!) to Medical Arts which is conveniently right on 5th. Also, we have a nice kitchen that's always stocked. I consider that a promotion.

Anyway, the bus ride today was typically atypical and here's why:

Elderly and handicapped does not equal fat. Remember this. I completely agree that we should turn over our seats to the elderly and the handicapped, however, fattness is not a handicap and I hate when a big ole fat lady asks me to forfeit my seat so she can relieve her ankles. This happened to me today, obviously. Who cares if she was holding a baby and 2 bags of groceries?!?

I didn't really mind moving to the back though since I was sitting next to Asstastic's boyfriend and she was across from him and they were dirty talking to each other. She kept mouthing, "I don't know what I am gonna do with you..." Ew.

I liked this though, someone scratched off part of the decal that was on the window that said, "A little farther back please" so that it read, "A little fart please"


Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Only time for one quick comparison:

Dallas and the bartender from the Tiki Lounge on Carson Street!!!

Friday, August 8, 2008

Itchy and Scratchy

Hey there all,

I am having an amazing time here in St. Thomas of the US Virgin Islands. Some of you may have noticed the phantom post title "Away on Leave" that I posted and then withdrew. Well the story with that is that I wrote a long post while drunk off Cruzan Rum and when I read it the next day, I was like, "uummmm... veto"

So here's a nice, sober, and true account of my past week. In a word --- paradise :-)

It's fantastic, although, no vacation would be complete without the mishaps that I often associate myself with. First of all, we get off the plane and the car rental place only has Honda Civics. OH, didn't I tell you? There are 7 people in my family. So the whole week we have been cramming the 4 twenty-somethings in the back and my little sis (18), mom, and step-dad in the front. And on top of all that, my step-dad is having trouble getting used to driving on the left hand side (as custom in the USVI) so theres a near fatal crash everytime we go out. Fun stuff.

Today we went to St. John, the hilliest motha island known to man and as we were getting ready to leave we let the car air out a bit, doors open, ya see. Well, dumb ass move. We all cram in, close her up, roll up the windows to let the AC pump just to realize there are no less than 40,000 mosquitos in the car. Jim can't figure out how to drive on the left andddd unlock the windows for us, so us kids go on a clapping frenzy killing families of bugs. I was covered with bug carcas and my own blood but we finally got them. We got them all. Sorry if this sounds dramatic, but Craig and I are reading "1776" for our book club and I just finished the Boston Massacre chapter.

I have increased my chance of contracting West Nile by 400%.

Other than thatttt

I went snorkeling today! Micky gets to the beach, puts her gear on and says, "I'm going to snorkel my brains out" That set the mood for the day. We were out there for like 2 hours straight. I lovvveeedddd it! Except for the jellyfish mine field that I treaded through (again, "1776"). I saw turtles and they were soooo cute. I also saw a puffer fish, he was smaller than I would have thought. I swam through this school of fish that was unreal. They were very small, maybe 2 inches long each, but they were bright silver and fluorescent purple and there must have been 10,000, no exhaggeration. I swam with them, they were my friends. My family saw a huge sting ray but I bounced out by then.

Oh haha but get this. I'm trying to dry off, taking a walk in the little shady grove off the beach and I turn around to see my mom staring at me speechless, like she saw a ghost. I'm like, "Mom, what's up?" I turn to my left, and Jesus H. there's a freaking donkey standing next to me. A DONKEY!! What?! But yea, that's how St. John rolls.

There's sooo much more I want to say. Like how my family had a professional beach photo shoot or how I sang "Son of a Preacher Man" at beach karaoke and won a bottle of Coconut Rum. You'll have to wait till I get home to hear first hand :-)

10 points to the first person who can say what tomorrow is?!?

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Storm Before the Calm

I was driving along the turnpike trying to think of what I could possibly blog about when it came to me POW! like an explosion. Oh wait, no, that was just my back tire blowing up.

These things happen, I figured... yea, these things happen TO ME! I ran something over, it looked like roadkill as I approached it but the only way roadkill would have busted my tire was if the little critter died with its razor sharp claws extended in the air. Maybe it was a land mine, who knows. Story gets worse... my phone is dead. Amateur mistake. I hobble over to the shoulder of the turnpike and allow my mind to formulate some stupid ass plan that has little to no chance of working.

In driver's ed in high school we all had to submit an end of the year project, so me and my group filmed a how-to video for changing a tire. It was about 15 minutes long and there was no talking so we decided to add in background music. This was my portion of the project and being the raver that I am, I added an obnoxious techno song. I remember sitting in the gym watching this trippy movie with my peers and being soooo embarrassed.

So needless to say, as I am pulling my donut out of my trunk, I am humming Sandstorm and trying to backtrack to this movie. I was surprisingly thorough with this endeavor, secured all the wheels, found the indent in the car frame and jacked it up all nice. I thought I was facked when the bolts were turned so tight but luckily, I went to the gym this week, so I had super human strength. I pulled the one-two-change-a-roo and was back in action in no time. I stopped at the next rest stop to call my parents and I decided that my luck today is unparalleled so I bought a lottery ticket there as well. No dice.

As if the drive from Pittsburgh to Allentown isn't awful enough, try doing it at 40 miles per hour. Unbelievable. I had 150 miles left when ole Hanerz blew her load.

Anyway, I can't complain, it was a beautiful day, I changed a tire like a champ, and I am going to the Caribbean tomorrow at 6:50 am!! It's going to be sooooo calm and relaxing, I absolutely can't wait.

So, reader, this concludes another chapter of Jamie Neutron. Take care, charge your phones, and never doubt the power of techno.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

9-12 Workday

I'm going to take a half day today. Here are the reasons:

1. My afternoon job boss is moving her office and I doubt there will be anything for me to do since she'll just be unpacking all afternoon.
2. I didn't have coffee today since the delicious French Vanilla creamer was replaced with Cinnamon Vanilla Cream. "Um..what?" says I when I see that a swap has been made. Sorry but I don't want my coffee tasting like Big Red.
3. I picked up my bike from the deep catecombs of 342 last night and I want to work on it this afternoon.

I'm excited, I got new wheels and a nice comfy new seat that I found in my aunt's old junk. I'm going to put those on and then clean her up and get he shining like new :-)

For some reason, all of my shirts have little holes in the same exact spot. The location I would describe as just below belly button and smack in the center. They're small holes but none-the-less annoying as H. I have some theories for this:

1. I buy cheap ass clothes
2. I have moths (this would also explain why my room smells like moth balls, although I brought this up to Craig once and he told me that moths don't smell like moth balls)
3. Somehow the friction between my jeans and my shirt is bifting a whole

I will settle with a combination of 1 and 2. Sucks though, I mean I can't just not wear pants...or can I??

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Mamma Mia!

I think I am wearing a maternity dress today. I bought it at Old Navy last weekend and I know they have a maternity line. There's just alot more material than I am used to around the tummy region. Either way, I look stunning so whatever.

I have been seeing chick flick after chick flick since the old man's been away on vacation. Last night I watched August Rush, the night before was High School Musical, and my sister and I saw Mamma Mia in theaters on Sunday! I feel so spunky and upbeat!! And no MAN is ever going to get me down! Ugh, except this total creep job on the bus today. Now I know why some people carry around antibacterial hand stuff for riding the bus. I literally watched the guy pick a boogie, wipe it on the side wall of the bus and smear it all around. And when there was some still on his finger he moved on to wipe it all over the bus pole. And you can't just NOT hold on to the bus poles on the 54C since the driver's are loco. I need some Purell STAT!

So the past couple days I have been detoxing, and this time I was doing it right. I followed the Master Cleanse as recommended by Patrice and my sister, Carolyn. I did it for 2 full days and I really do feel great. I would have done it longer but I was losing energy like crazy. I'd read a chapter of an interesting novel (Cardiovascular Continuum Biomechanics) and then I'd just pass out for like 10 min. Maybe that was cause of the book... I really wasn't hungry though, despite not eating any solid food for 2 days and drinking only this concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. So I may continue this cleanse after crazy weekends or if I feel groggy. If I had done it for the whole 10 days, I could have lost 20 pounds! It's not easy though, I knew it was downhill for me when I learned about the saltwater flush. Good Lord, if there is a hell for me, I am sure it's lined with quarts of saltwater flush! This was absolutely awful. The point is that sea salt dissolved in lukewarm water is indigestible so it moves through your system cleaning things up and comes out pretty roughly. Now this process never followed all the way through for me....

The first night I did it, I pounded the drink with tears rolling down my face becuase it was awful. Anyone who knows me well knows I loathe the taste of salt, so the fact I was even doing this shows my committment to this damn cleanse. 1 quart (4 cups) of the saltwater and I was done, and dry heaving in the kitchen sink. So I layed on my right side, as instructed, and waited for the moment where it would come out. Welp, never happened, I guess my super gastric acids miraculously digested this stuff cause my digestive track was calm as a lamb all throughout High School Musical.

Next night, I did it again, a full quart of the nasty saltwater. This time I did it through a straw which was much better, so only shitty instead of god-awful. Haha, this story makes me laugh...I finish the flush, wipe the tears from my eyes, walk toward the living room to lie down, and immediately hurl up all 4 cups of it into my kitchen trash can. Thank goodness it was garbage night. I also assume I lost the only substance I had consumed that day cause my mouth tasted like lemon when I was done. Damnit. That's when I quit the cleanse and made dinner.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Get a Grip

How beautiful it was to see Sir-Nods-a-Lot and Asstastic sharing a bench on the bus today! Yes, I said bench, you know the kind to normally fit 3, but since Asstastic has an ass of 2 grown humans, it became a loveseat.

Some things I don't think I'll ever understand. Despite my engineering degree or my unyielding common sense, I just can not grasp them. For example... now I know this may be a shock since you all think I am a genius, but I can't understand fax machines. Yea, I know, I read the wikipedia post and I've thought about it but I'm still stumped. If it's so much like a copy machine, then how come there's no bright scanning light? And I get the concept of sending information through binary to code for black and white, but how does it (the fax) know when to code a zero or a one? I know I know, the scanner tells it...but that takes me back to the copy machine! Oh well, it works so I'll go with it.

Next up, car rear view mirrors. What is happening when you flip the switch at night and the mirror transforms to make lights not as bright. What's going on there? Is the mirror warping its shape? It seems like your facing it more upwards but then how come it isn't mirroring the ceiling? I want to investigate further but every time I think of it, I'm, well, driving!

I just overheard my boss say, "Well, money doesn't grow on trees." Whoever thought of that phrase must have been joking because money DOES grow on trees. It's paper.

When I came into work today at the lupus center there was book sitting on the counter and I really liked the title, "Get a Grip: How to take control of your arthritis"

Oh wit!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Quick Note... on BATMAN!

So Batman was awesome, I saw it last night at midnight. I highly recommend it. I can't write long today cause I am going to a snazzy lunch meeting at Sonoma Grille (ooh-la-la).

Anyway, this has been on my mind all day...

Hopefully you Batman fans will agree that Jim Gordon looks just like Ned Flanders!!!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why would I want to be anywhere else??

Lovely day here in Pittsburgh, PA. As my title suggests, the sun is shining and the yinzers are just as crazy as ever. As some of you may know, I make the daily commute to work via the 54C (54-sizzle) and today's post will introduce you to my comrades on the commute, or as I lovingly call them, the crazies. Of course, I know nothing about any of these people, not their names, their careers, their life ambitions. Occasionally, I learn more than I'd like to about their sex life, or their most recent post-nasal drip; but their identities remain a mystery.

The Villain -
I don't expect that he is actually a "crazy" since he works everyday and is always dressed nicely and well kept. He stands out none the less since he looks like an evil villain. I suspect he lives on my block since I creepily walk behind him on the way home everyday. It's not my fault that we get on and off the bus at the same time and have very similar gaits! Anyway, to assist your illustrative imaginations, I provide two images below that if blended form the very image of The Villian.

Big Voice, Little Person -
BVLP is truly an original, also probably not crazy, but I make assumptions, ya know? Well BVLP earned his name by repeatedly fooling me that he was a 7 foot tall black man while he actually stood as a 5'4 caucasian. For some reason he is always behind me on the bus and always talking to someone and I am ALWAYS surprised when I turn around to see his little body producing such a booming voice!

Sir Nods-a-lot -
Now Nods-a-lot, I believe, really is a crazy. He gets on the bus at the stop right before I get off in the mornings. Hence, I assume he works some sort of night shift at the hospital. From the second he gets on until I get off 2 blocks later, he is nodding away at me and other ladies and saying, "Hello", "Good Day", "Hi" or any combination of the aformentioned. Bless his heart, he's the kindest guy, at the same time, he'll always be known to me as Sir Nods-a-lot.

Ass-tastic -
Now, I know I'm not one to judge since I've been told once or twice that I have a ba-donk-a-donk...BUT! This thing is big, like real big! I think Sir-Mix-a-Lot said it best, "red beans and rice didn't miss her". I started out thinking Ass-tastic was a crazy since the first time I saw her she was standing in the middle of Liberty Ave., despite the construction men yelling at her cause she was blocking the way of their cement truck. But the more I learn about Ass-tastic (ie. the more I overhear her holler about) the more I think that she isn't clinically crazy, just a total nut! Either way, it's entertaining.

Yesterday, Craig and I were having dinner on the porch and wouldn't ya know it, we almost witnessed a TOTAL WRECK! Now this is nothing new at Gross Friends (our pet name for our house) since there are terrible road signs that direct traffic near the park we live across from. Well, imagine if you will: a 2 lane road with traffic going in opposite directions, cars parked on both side. Well a crazy POLICE CAR! comes barrelling through and the poor cars in his path try to get over but there's no where to really go since cars are parked on either side. So the loonie cop somehow manages to make it THROUGH the two cars going in opposite directions. This means that at one point, there were 5 cars on the road between the 2 curbs!! 2 parked, 2 driving, and the loonie cop. Craig and I were holding our breath and I nearly choked on my cauliflower!

Oh, it's a crazy city, we live in, ladies and gentlemen. Lily Allen, portrays the idea very nicely in her song, "LDN" which I have included below. It's a song for city folks, like us, who's days are enhanced by the random crazy city nonsense we get to of cost!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Listed Sister

Well, another Thursday finds me in front of the data entry computer and hungover. Last night was "Hump Day Happy Hour" with the work gang that turned into an all out bar crawl.

Anyway, I'm up and running, onward and upward, I always say. Not really though.

As I was walking to work today from the bus stop, my mind wondered, as it often does. I was thinking about words that I mess up alot and I compiled the following the list:

Words that I confuse and coincidentally look ignorant:

5. Anthology with Anthropology
4. Affect and Effect (I know this happens to everyone but normal people learn how to correct this and I just never will)
3. Eccentric and Eclectic (even as I wrote this I began to write "Ecclentric", like what's up with that??)
2. Stain and Strain (now this one is just stupid, but my mind just cannot decipher the two. Ask Craig or Dallas - or just wait for me to talk to you about the "Andromeda Stain")
1. This is a good one, a phrase: GOOD RIDDANCE (I never knew that this was a somewhat bad thing to say, all my life i would just exchange it with GOOD LUCK! So people would be leaving and I'd be like, "See ya and good riddance!")

I make lists in my head all the time. Literally, everything I think about it listed in my brain. Why is this? Is it onset schitzophrenia? Like even right now, my mind is thinking "Things I list..." and making a list! I don't really mind it, I kind of like the way I entertain myself but if you hear anything like this is an early symptom of mental disease, please let me know.

TTFN = "ta ta for now", a Maggie Haney-O'Leary favorite

Monday, July 7, 2008

Fast and Loose

I tried to fast yesterday. It was Craig's idea to DETOX after the week's events of binge drinking, eating, hookah and other patriotic past-times. I figured I wouldn't eat all day Sunday or Monday. This would allow me to digest all the damage I have accumulated over the weekend and start fresh.

It's not that I couldn't handle it cause I could! I was just bored as hell and cooking a large Sunday dinner feast seemed to be the answer. It was great, I made spinach and provolone stuffed pork loin and homemade mashed potatoes.

>> This blog blurb is being entered from the MAC store! I am picking up my broke ass Mac Book and playing around on the Mac Air. Everyone here is very nic <<

I had to X out the window cause the guy who was helping me was coming back.

I don't have a lot to say today but I feel bad cause I have only blogged twice so far and I need something to do while my computer installs MATLAB. I just got it fixed and now I am going to blow its RAM with the mega-MathWorks. Also, how bout that, me getting back into MATLAB, ah I am so excited. Be prepared for frequent screen shots.

I will leave you with this list I thought out while I was walking from my house to the MAC store:


5. The Mighty Ducks 2 (some may know it as D2: The Mighty Ducks)

4. Star Wars 2 (which is Return of the Jedi, I think, if I am wrong, than this entry is void because Return of the Jedi is the BEST! But all the old Star Wars are awesome, that's why this is only entry #4)

3. Each progressive Harry Potter is better than the last, however, none of them are better than the books.

2. Back to the Future 2 (We get to go to the 50's and to the future to see Biff!)

1. X-MEN 2 (So good I didn't even want to see the first one!)

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Bono Fide

As I sit here entering clinical research data into a medical database, my mind casually wonders to events, conversations, arguments, and food stuffs of the past week. To name a few:

THE BURGLAR, THE BITCH, and THE BOTCHED DEGREE (aka my graduation party)

This little illiteration pretty closely sums up my college graduation party haha. Well I was home this weekend for a party in the honor of my high school graduate sister and me, the college grad. Freaking great party, really it was, but in retrospect there were some foul plays and some mysteries left unsolved.

INCIDENT #1 - FRIDAY NIGHT - Rowdy teens and instigating 20-somethings decide to "party like rap stars" by boozing and causing a raucus in my parent's hot tub. 3 hours, 2 cases, and myriad pruney body parts later the party moves into the house. I decide it's a good idea to beat my little sister with my college diploma that arrived in the mail that day. Ruined it. Damn. 4 years of engineering work for a piece of paper I destroy... This is why I'm hot.

INCIDENT #2 - SATURDAY AFTERNOON - I get word that my family is planning a relay race for me and my sister to compete in. Being the competive and uber creative competitor (competitive competitor?) I decide to go upstairs and plan out an outfit to distract Micky while also dazzling the crowd. After 30 minutes, I come down stairs decked out in leggings, tie died shirt and shorts, dread locks wig, Rocky Balboa headband, war paint, and shin guards. I strut my stuff downstairs acting cocky like I'm some sort of superhero... I see Micky and wave and she storms up to me, shoves me, and says "YOU RUINED MY PARTY!", "uh what?" I retort... She runs out of the room and I am left standing in front of all the guests looking like a complete tool. I changed.

INCIDENT #3 - SATURDAY EVENING - Some little punk stole money from my graduation gift box. Not alot but probably like 50 or so. Jerk.

NEXT THOUGHT ----> Why does everyone hate Bono?
Now I'm not going to go on and on about this but I would just like to make a point. Or, I guess, a counterargument to all those people who hate Bono cause he is humanitarian and coincidentally very famous.

If I stand on my little soapbox and say, "Hey all you people, get smart! Start taking care of the planet and she'll take care of you!" If I do that, some guy will just hand me a buck and say, "crack kills, kid, get yourself a coffee." INSTEAD, we let Bono do it and things actually are getting done! What's wrong with someone famous letting the word be heard?!? Ok, this is going too deep already, just wanted to make the point.

I am listening to Kimya Dawson right now on my new iTouch and I like this lyric:
"They think we're disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
Are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score"


My next blog will be a dateline-esque investigation of the Recycling Initiative in Pittsburgh.... or LACK THERE OF!

Till then, I am most sincerely yours ;-)

Friday, June 27, 2008


It's blog time, ladies and gentlemen. I have tinkered in the blogging arena a few times before but never really kept up with it. The benefits to beginning this committment, for me, are threefold -

1. I have something to do at work
2. I can (hopefully) recieve feedback on the little ventures I take on
3. well the obvious one.. I can become FAMOUS!

It's Friday afternoon,

I am at job #1 (there are about 5 jobs I am holding right now, see list below) and I finished the work that is supposed to take me 4.5 hours in 15 minutes.

This is why I sleep in everyday.

MY SUMMER JOBS (in no particular order):
1. Data entry person for the Women's Hospital
2. I train college freshman/budding scientists the art of mouse dissection and tissue processing
3. Courier
4. I'm helping to plan a chef competition benefit event
5. I'm beginning my graduate work by debugging a MATLAB program that calculated the strain energy function of arteries based on biaxial load data
6. Homemaker

Haha, not really a homemaker, although, I just moved into a new apartment and it's alot of work.
So for today's post, I would like to present to you a unmistakeable resemblance that is as complex as it is engaging. I came upon this interesting observation because I have become consumed byNetflix and back seasons of The Simpsons...

I think Homer Simpson looks just like Bruce Willis! See below:

Questions, comments, thoughts, concerns?
(NOTE: my statistics TA would say this all the time, like 4 times per recitation, and it drove me nuts!)

My YouTube Playlist of the Minute