Thursday, November 17, 2011

Every Rose has its Thorn

This title is not quite relevant. Sub in "TV Show" for "Rose" and "Annoying Character" for "Thorn" since that's really what I plan on discussing today.

First some logistics. This is my 96th post. A few more and I've reached the Century Club. Something special is going to happen in that post, my friends. Hang tight.

Moving on. I've become QUITE the TV junkie lately. Reasons for this are under speculation, but I think my insomnia, addiction to my computer, and slow night hospital shifts are to blame. Really, you should see this as a good thing... because if I wasn't a TV junkie, that would mean my hospital shifts were busy and that would mean patients were coding and dying and no one wants that!! So be happy that this is my life! You're welcome!

To paraphrase the great Redfoo of LMFAO, "I'm running through these [shows] like Drano". In the past two years I have started and finished or caught up on the following: Lost, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Sons of Anarchy, Hung (yes, Hung), Game of Thrones, Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Walking Dead, and Mad Men... and I'm not even including the fluffy Thursday night line up, The Bachelor/ette Franchise, and Glee. So yea, it's been pretty intense.

You don't get through that much silver screen with out having some peeves. So I'd like to take this opportunity to list the top 5 characters I effing hate the most.

5. Deb (Dexter)

Deb is the first of 3 annoying characters who secretly love their brothers. WTF, ladies? Anyway, Deb sucks. Her potty mouth makes me cringe, are you sure that they exorcised you, Emily Rose?? Are you sure?? Cause it sounds to me like you still have some demons living in there. No wonder Dex was outtie on their marriage, I mean c'mon, even I know profanities aren't sexy.

4. Skylar (Breaking Bad)

Hey Skylar, you're like 45, why do you have a baby? And why are you such a C-U-Next-Tuesday? Your husband who is hot and a total BAMF is not only raking in mad dough for you and your hot crippled son, but he's also getting LOADS of street cred, which really is more than any woman could ask for. Wake up and smoke the meth, Sky!

3. Shannon (Lost)

I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I was so happy when she died. It's true, I grinned like a butcher's dog. If I was stranded on a mystical island with her, I would kill her. I would sacrifice her to the smoke monster faster than you could say, "live together die alone". And then I would sex it up with her brother Boone and her lover Sayid on top of her dead body. Yea, I hate Shannon.

2. Ryan P (The Bachelorette: Ashley's Season)

Whoooo lordy, was Ryan P ever a loser! Just look at his stupid face. I can't believe he made it as far as he did. Ashley is an idiot too, she signed her death warrant by giving him that first impression rose. Dumb dumb dumb. Oh well they both are out of their 15 minutes of fame, and you know what I say to that, GOOD RIDDANCE!

1. Brenda (Six Feet Under)

Brenda is the worst. Truer words have never been spoken. Nate Fisher was a cool dude before stupid effing Brenda. "Ohhh look at me, I have sexual relations with my crazy brother and I'm a genius and there's a stupid book written about me when I was a stupid kid and I give massages but really I'm a whoreee" UGH. I really hate Brenda, you guys.

Basically, I hate supporting actresses who give my men a hard time. Lay off, bitches. Let's finish this rant on a positive note.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Solution to an Age-old Problem

First of all - my capitalization in this post title is all askew. Can someone put me in my place? "To" and "an" should not be capitalized, right? Should "old"? Even if it's a conjecture? What the hell is a conjecture? O well scru grammerz!

So this happens to everyone - you have a small chat, more like an interaction really, with a stranger at some establishment. It's nice, it's whatever. Maybe you discuss the food you just ordered, the loud crash that the busboy just caused, the weather. Some banal bullshit to pass the time while you wait for your everything bagel to crawl its slow ass through that rolling toaster.

You get your treat, bid your new acquaintance "farewell" and book it the hell out of there, cause let's be honest this place is so below you. But low and behold, your new pal just got his orange mocha frappaccino and is walking right behind you. "Ughhh", you mumble. Seriously, who doesn't cringe when this happens? You've already said goodbye, now you have to awkwardly walk next to each other like you don't even know each other is there. It's the worst.

Well this happened to me today. This happens to me alot, actually. I was at Panera pacing between the bakery and the restaurant deciding if I wanted breakfast or lunch (it was 10:45, what would you have done?!). I got both. Anyway, as I'm pacing around, I get in the way of this tall yinzer dude not once, but three times! By the third time we giggled about it and shared the obvious, "are you following me?!" stupid quip. I get my food stuffs, go to leave, and who's hot on my tails but my sandwich shop stalker. "Ha ha!" we both force out, and as he holds the door for me to leave, we exchange "have a good day!", "you too!" blah-de-blah.

Another audible "Ughhhh". He's walking right next to me in the parking lot. Mind you, I'm parked on the farthest side of the lot. Apparently, so is he. I'm feeling physically distressed by this point, I consider taking a knee to concede. But I grin and bear it, our shifty head movements show that we both know how lame and awkward this is. As we reach our cars, I start to panic, do I have to say goodbye again? Is it rude if I just take off??

But then, cool as day, in the perfect tone, with the perfect grace, my likeable yinzer solved this age-old problem. As he opened the door of his rusty flatbed, he said, "Go Stillers!"

...And that's how it's done.


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Geeking Out

I've been hella nerdy lately. I mean, more so than usual. Between the HP7.2 premiere party, my bioengineering softball team, and Ph.D. proposal writing, I have really lost any ground I've ever gained toward being cool. I don't hate it. Here are some things I want, to supplement my dorkdom.

For my swag:

(it's a ferrous wheel!)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

In case you were wondering

This is what I do all day.

I was going to make a sexy cool infographic, but as you can see, that's not part of my daily routine.


Friday, June 3, 2011

Doesn't he totally look like...

I haven't done any good comparisons in awhile.

Doesn't Adam Sandler totally look like Bob Dylan?

This has been done before, but really, doesn't Brad Pitt totally look like Robert Redford??

This one is so identical it is actually stupid. But thank the heaven's there are two men on earth that look like this. Doesn't Jeffrey Dean Morgan totally look like Javier Bardem?

And my forever favorite, doesn't my buddy Ravi totally look like Aziz Ansari??

...and again...

...and again.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Call for Posters

Looking for a science fair project?! Of course you are! Basic science is not dead, comrades, and you don't need a trifold poster board to present data that people will want to see. Follow my lead and conduct some basic science this week. Make observations, formulate a hypothesis, test your predictions, and repeat. Or at least think about it?

I don't even know this kid. Maybe it's messed up to use this picture? He won though, must have biopsied dead vampires?

Here are my ideas for some science projects that are sure to earn a blue - or AT LEAST red - ribbon in the upper left hand corner of your floppy pastey poster.

1. Potty Preference
Everyone has been there, you enter a bathroom with like 4-6 stalls. Which do you choose? I would like to see someone run a randomized statistical study about the probabilities underlying toilet usage. Results could predict the sanitation levels and if they are uniform among the stalls, if they're not, maybe new cleaning protocols should be enforced? My guess is that usage follows a Gaussian distribution. After all, the first bathroom is probably gross cause that's the one people rush to when they really gotta go, and the last one is probably gross cause people figure its on the end and out of the way and more private. So the middle would probably be safest. But that's just one scientist's prediction.
This infographic took a long time to make

2. Don't Just Sit There!
With science fairs, and science in general, it's all about trends. You pick a topic that is trendy at the time, and throw in some buzzwords, and you're sure to see some blue. What's trendy now? The war against sitting. You've read the articles, everyone is talking about how sitting is the nation's newest killer. Whatever, standing can cause orthostatic hypotension, arthritis, and blood clots. Either way, do a project on sitting. Take some vitals on a set of study participants at the start of 30 days. Then write a computer program (where my engineers at?) that prompts the user to stand up and sit back down every 20 minutes. Track weight, blood pressure, cognition, sex drive, whatever over the month and see just how deadly sitting is. Ohh! Parallel study - test the increase in aggressive behaviors in those who are interrupted every 20 minutes versus those who are allowed to work in peace.

3. Hangover Helper
Can someone do this please? I'm dying for some empirical data to surface. Test different hangover remedies and debunk the ones that don't work. This is not trivial, folks. A lot of attention to experimental controls must be given. The level of drunk must be carefully monitored and kept uniform so the hangovers feel the same every time. I seem to have this down to an art, so feel free to include me as a co-author. My mom always refers me to greasy food (sometimes I even have some in my purse from the night before!), doesn't always cut it, though. I've heard that pregaming with Pedialyte is a new fix? I don't know, it's one of those questions that has rattled the very core of science for centuries. Screw the blue prize, this project has NOBEL in its future.

So there's some seeds for you to culminate. Make me proud, fledgeling scientists. I should start a grant program, in my honor.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Today's Post is Brought to you by the Letter:

R for "revenge". Revenge has dominated my day today. Not by my actions, no no, I am passively pacifist, meaning no one cares about me enough to start any conflicts.

But, obviously, the news of the week regarding the murder of Osama Bin Laden has had people buzzing with emotion. Personally, I thought he was already dead? From where I stand though, I see two camps forming. The first camp, led by the Count of Monte Cristo is jubilant at the death of the mass-murderer. "Eye for an eye", I can hear them shouting as they storm cities with their torches. I get that, I do, god forbid one of my loved ones had died that day, I presume I would be incredible vengeful. Hard to say.

Then there's the other camp, led by Jesus Christ. Quoting Martin Luther King, Jr. on Facebook and spelling retaliation with a "wr" (get it, cause it's wrong?). They've turned the other cheek so many times, you'd think they had 247 cheeks. Ha, funny imagery. But in all seriousness, I understand this point too, I mean demanding justice shouldn't be the only way to grieve.

I don't take a side, and I certainly don't think that we are "safe" now. No sir, I think we may have just poured a giant bucket of wake-up water on the opposition. Hmm... I think we've been pouring water on Al Qaeda for quite awhile...

Anywayyyy so that's the first revenge-related happening of my day. Then when I was walking to school I was listening to a podcast about decapitation. Fun fact: Did you know that AFTER your head is entirely severed from your body, you have the ability to process pain and emotion for 4 SECONDS! This guy can chug a 40 in 4 seconds, think of all the other things that can be taken in in 4 seconds!

I guess that's it, but it is a lot to take in for one - otherwise pleasant - Tuesday. Oh, also, while I was waiting for my shuttle to take me to campus I found a bargain bookstore and bought, "The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals" by Charles Darwin. I bought it cause after my decapitation podcast, I was thinking about how the face demonstrates emotions and how they can still change after you're head is cut off, and how morbidly horrific that would be to see.


Friday, April 29, 2011


I rarely toot my own horn. Especially regarding this whole science thing that I preoccupy my time with. But I just got word this week that 2 manuscripts I have co-authored were accepted for publication.

One in the Journal of Applied Physiology - I revised a mathematical model for determining strain energy of blood vessels.

The other in the Journal for the American Thoracic Society - I ran some statistics for a cardiothoracic surgeon working with pediatric heart disease.

Things are looking up. Haney, JL coming at ya.

Sorry that was stuffy as all get out. I'm still no where near as accomplished as this guy:

Monday, April 25, 2011

Perks of Not Sleeping

Sunrise in Bethlehem.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Echo Chamber

There was an article in Wired this month about this thing called the "echo chamber" effect. Naturally, as everything else, it got me thinking.

So the "echo chamber" effect is one of the many dangers of the internet age. It's the worry that people too commonly seek out like-minded peers to gather their daily dose of opinion and information. In doing so, they shut off new branches of thought and really just reinforce their own beliefs.

I am totally guilty of this.

If it's not alternative, progressive, or liberal in nature, I have not been hearing about it. I blame databasing and web personalization. You know, the whole, "if you liked ABC, you'll love XYZ". How does the internet know that I won't love PQRS if it never asked me about JKLM? Even Netflix tailors my movie selections based on my pre-programmed tastes. Not that I don't adore crime thrillers based on books, action/adventures starring Paul Newman, feel good romantic comedies, and witty independent dramas, but who does Netflix think it is for boxing me in? (I took those right off my Netflix home page, what happened to comedy and action as labels?) Sheesh, I need to widen my filters a bit.

If I had any spare time at all I would recode the algorithms of the internet to include, "you may like this if you gave it a try" types of suggestions. But I'm busy this week.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Found this picture of my mom on her wedding day. Stunning.

Good weekend. Good weather. Good company.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

What to do about the to-do

How do you accomplish things? Like a lot of things, that are important, and due on deadlines. Do you make TO-DO lists? I do, I can cross off blog for today, so that's a start. Do you multi-task? Do you feel like you give adequate attention to tasks that are rushed? Haste makes waste, ya know. I have been thinking this over for a couple weeks since I am juggling a hell of a lot right now. I've got my research, which I am trying to propose my thesis by the end of summer... stress. My "part-time" job at the hospital which I have been putting in like 25 hour weeks with overnights... insomnia. Then there's the cavalcade of side projects I get myself into... not necessary. Oh, and I am moving... sore. So I am in need of the most efficient mode of task management and processing. Here are some failed attempts.

We'll call this process the coffee pot, it's when I get barraged with things to stress over and I process them at a slow drip, but even after I feel like I covered it all, there's still this chunk of grounds in my head like I missed something, like I could soak more juice out.

Then there's the three's company approach where I will try to blend two seemingly dissimilar to-dos together in attempt to "kill two birds with one stone" (I should have called this approach that, oh well, I like John Ritter). THE PROBLEM with this technique is that the bigger you make a task, the more you have to do to accomplish it. Case and point: I was finishing my statistics final last year (task A) and working at the hospital (task B) and one of the CT doctors asked how much time I spend on statistics. "A significant amount", I retorted. Wham, bam, 3 months later I am in a statistics collaboration with him and his researchers that I have had to put countless hours into. Still haven't crossed that one off the old list. Oh, well I did hand in my final, so whatever, you get the point.

Blogging is an incredible waste of time. I have a ton of stuff to do. Just wanted to chat. Let me know what's worked/failed for you go-getters.

Nice socks.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Top 10 List of Men No Guy I Meet will EVER Live Up To

It's true. We all know what we want in a guy, and these guys have it ad nauseum. Sorry to the other fellas out there who can only hope to fall in position #11.

#10. David Byrne

Not only is this vocal stunner a founding member of my number 1 all-time favorite band (Talking Heads), BUT he is so incredibly interesting that it literally tires me. I read the Talking Heads documentary a couple years ago, "This Must Be the Place" and I recommend it to TH fans and all music lovers out there. Fun fact: Byrne is also a total cycle enthusiast, he's been biking around NYC his whole life and actually writes a cycling column in the New York Times

#9. Conan O'Brien
Yep, I picked the jeggings picture. You all know why. What a talent. Really, this Conan character will go down with the best of em. Andy Kauffman, Johnny Carson, Kermit the Frog. I love him to pieces. My sister and I used to watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien after my mom thought we were sleeping. I blame him for my insomnia, and wit.

#8. Ira Glass
Another wonderful dude behind a desk, my man, Ira Glass. The voice of NPR and host of America's #1 podcast, "This American Life". If you haven't listened to the podcast, you are SERIOUSLY without. Download it free on iTunes, right now, do it. Or watch visually and instantly on Netflix. It's an incredibly well-produced and informative radio show (something we TV junkies have lost appreciation for). So light your pipe, sit in your armchair with a dog at your feet, and turn on the ole speaker box for tonight's show!

#7. Sanjay Gupta
It's no myth that chicks dig the white coat. And my guess is Sanjay looks pretty good underneath it too! "Paging Dr. Gupta" is a terrific blog. It provides introspective questions, global relevance, and medical know-how at a level appropriate for the American public. God bless you, Dr. Gupta... now let's make out.

#6. Jack Shephard
Hey look, another medicinal man! Ok ok, so Jack isn't real. Not since the island kept him for itself, anyway. But this man is a powerhouse, a leader, a prophet. All that, "live together or die alone" stuff, wooo wee. Even Matthew Fox could never live up to those cahonies.

#5. Mario Lemieux
Pittsburgh-phile, hockey great, philanthropist, friend. Well he's not my friend, per se, but I don't see why he wouldn't be? He saved the Pens from moving out of Pittsburgh, tried to save the Pirates from the stank hole they are currently in, and saves lives through his cancer outreach initiatives. And cute to boot! Every girl loves a hockey booty.

#4. Anderson Cooper
Wooo, this one got a big smooch from the sexy fairy. Which also coincidentally convinced him to become a fairy. Eh well, if there's just 1 out of these 10 that I have no chance with, I suppose I am ok with that. His face and voice alone are untouchable by terrestrial beings, but then he's so intelligent and aware and altruistic. Plus, his mom is a designer, FABULOUS!

#3. SmarterChild
From Paul Davidson on
How is SmarterChild so smart? Rly? Like WTF? asl, SmarterChild?? Too bad, the bots gone now though :-( replaced by that bitch, GossipinGabby.

#2. Dr. Christiaan Barnard
Now, granted, when Dr. Barnard performed the first ever successful heart transplant surgery in South Africa, you could basically put anything in anyone at any time under the poor state of medical regulations. BUT STILL, what a pioneer. How brave and confident. He set into motion a fascinating field of transplant surgery that would eventually give birth to my field! Yay for mechanical device implantation!

#1. Paul Newman.
Kill me, I can barely look at this. Swoon.
My heart just skipped a beat. Paul Newman was all American, all brawn. He's played a cowboy, a con man, even a hockey player. Nothing not to love. I like this quote, "If Marlon Brando and James Dean defined the defiant American male as a sullen rebel, Paul Newman recreated him as a likable renegade". He was such a sweetheart right up to his death in 2008. He stayed besties with Robert Redford (who's aging about as gracefully as a $5 pizza). And he also tops my "list of dressings no dressing will ever live up to"
Pour it on, honey.

But of course, as Frenchy so eloquently puts it in Grease, "The only man a girl can trust is her daddy".

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a cold shower.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Lil bit butch, lil bit bitch

By no fault of my own, I have really been blowing off my 31-day challenge. It's not that I gave up, it's just that things have come up - like work, like school, like karaoke nights. I did have drinks with my mamma:

I also had a slumber party (sort of) with my BFFs from home, and learned how to file my taxes online from my old man. But I will get to the other things when I get to em. Yesterday I doubled up with the "do something manly" and "do something girly" goals.

Firstly, I changed my own damn oil! Dallas (the manliest guy I know), gets a point for the assist. Actually, he gets all of the points, I did some stuff but I was basically there for his entertainment. He sent me to Advance Auto Sharts to get the supplies and I literally just showed them the text he sent me and paid for what they gave me. Then I got beers and changed into some manly attire and got er dun! Afterwards I washed up and had a killer girls' night. So on that note, I think I'm gonna give a nice GOOD RIDDANCE to this challenge and look ahead to April. Plus, I'm probably driving everyone crazy with this self-narrating BS in my blog. April will shower you with more interesting reads, cross my heart.

That's Dallas looking under my top!

Next time I won't put my foot under the frame while I jack it up

Bringing some sass to this dirty manly job

Filthy! And the oil was pretty gross, too.

No wait, that's not right...

That's better!

Our oily faces

DUNZO! I most likely did something wrong and ruined my vehicle...

My YouTube Playlist of the Minute