Thursday, November 17, 2011

Every Rose has its Thorn

This title is not quite relevant. Sub in "TV Show" for "Rose" and "Annoying Character" for "Thorn" since that's really what I plan on discussing today.

First some logistics. This is my 96th post. A few more and I've reached the Century Club. Something special is going to happen in that post, my friends. Hang tight.

Moving on. I've become QUITE the TV junkie lately. Reasons for this are under speculation, but I think my insomnia, addiction to my computer, and slow night hospital shifts are to blame. Really, you should see this as a good thing... because if I wasn't a TV junkie, that would mean my hospital shifts were busy and that would mean patients were coding and dying and no one wants that!! So be happy that this is my life! You're welcome!

To paraphrase the great Redfoo of LMFAO, "I'm running through these [shows] like Drano". In the past two years I have started and finished or caught up on the following: Lost, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Sons of Anarchy, Hung (yes, Hung), Game of Thrones, Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Walking Dead, and Mad Men... and I'm not even including the fluffy Thursday night line up, The Bachelor/ette Franchise, and Glee. So yea, it's been pretty intense.

You don't get through that much silver screen with out having some peeves. So I'd like to take this opportunity to list the top 5 characters I effing hate the most.

5. Deb (Dexter)

Deb is the first of 3 annoying characters who secretly love their brothers. WTF, ladies? Anyway, Deb sucks. Her potty mouth makes me cringe, are you sure that they exorcised you, Emily Rose?? Are you sure?? Cause it sounds to me like you still have some demons living in there. No wonder Dex was outtie on their marriage, I mean c'mon, even I know profanities aren't sexy.

4. Skylar (Breaking Bad)

Hey Skylar, you're like 45, why do you have a baby? And why are you such a C-U-Next-Tuesday? Your husband who is hot and a total BAMF is not only raking in mad dough for you and your hot crippled son, but he's also getting LOADS of street cred, which really is more than any woman could ask for. Wake up and smoke the meth, Sky!

3. Shannon (Lost)

I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I was so happy when she died. It's true, I grinned like a butcher's dog. If I was stranded on a mystical island with her, I would kill her. I would sacrifice her to the smoke monster faster than you could say, "live together die alone". And then I would sex it up with her brother Boone and her lover Sayid on top of her dead body. Yea, I hate Shannon.

2. Ryan P (The Bachelorette: Ashley's Season)

Whoooo lordy, was Ryan P ever a loser! Just look at his stupid face. I can't believe he made it as far as he did. Ashley is an idiot too, she signed her death warrant by giving him that first impression rose. Dumb dumb dumb. Oh well they both are out of their 15 minutes of fame, and you know what I say to that, GOOD RIDDANCE!

1. Brenda (Six Feet Under)

Brenda is the worst. Truer words have never been spoken. Nate Fisher was a cool dude before stupid effing Brenda. "Ohhh look at me, I have sexual relations with my crazy brother and I'm a genius and there's a stupid book written about me when I was a stupid kid and I give massages but really I'm a whoreee" UGH. I really hate Brenda, you guys.

Basically, I hate supporting actresses who give my men a hard time. Lay off, bitches. Let's finish this rant on a positive note.


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