Wednesday, February 4, 2009


So I'm sure everyone has noticed the little facebook and blogger phase that's been going on where so and so shares 25 random little life tid-bits about themselves. Well that's all very fun and cute, but I think information should be *informational* ... call me crazy! I have thus opted to share 25 of my life lessons in hopes that they may, in some way, benefit you someday.

1. Never turn down anything that's free. For whatever dumb ass reason, when I bought my MacBook, I was like, "Nah, I don't need that free printer, the computer was enough of a deal! I already feel like I'm robbing you blind, Mr. Jobs!" I was an idiot.

2. Life's too short to deny yourself things that make you smile. This includes pizza, vacations, and beer.

3. Just because your friends enjoy your quirky innuendos doesn't necessarily mean that job interviewers will.

4. Don't ask questions at the end of lectures that you slept through. The speaker usually has 3 or 4 slides that covered that exact question.

5. If you find yourself in China. Don't go to the Summer Palace, it's a waste of time.

6. Don't post movies starring yourself on YouTube unless you are mentally prepared to be completely made fun of by strangers.

7. Always have a standby joke ready in case someone asks you to tell them a joke. For the life of me, when that happens on the spot, I act like I've never heard a joke in my whole life.

8. Write things down so you don't forget them. If I had a nickel for everything I forgot, I don't know how many nickels I'd have because I forgot.

9. Save your receipts. All of em. And keep in mind, people you rip off are probably saving their receipts too, so beware.

10. Don't pet Craig's dog, Roger. He mauled me in front of the whole family during our first meeting.

11. Avoid lending people pens or hairties - you won't get them back.

12. Don't miss out on opportunities just because you are afraid. I hate hate HATE flying on airplanes, but on average, I use them 10 times a year. Also, I stutter like a crazy person when I give presentations, but I would never turn down a chance to talk about my research.

13. I wouldn't recommend randomly surfing the web at work. I stumbled on one web site just as my boss came in to talk to me. I turned my chair to address him and when I turned back around toward my computer screen, the word "NEUROTIC" was flashing fluorescently in huge letters.

14. When someone on the street holding a microphone asks you how you feel about "the G7 conference on globalization" simply say, "I don't know what that is." Don't go on for 8 minutes trying to pull something out of your ass.

15. Never volunteer to work as a ghoul at a haunted house. Unless you are willing to lose a contact, sweat yourself stupid, and sit on a rusty nail.

16. If you are now or have ever been in the habit of double spacing after you end a sentence, I would suggest dropping it. Nothing matters less in the world of punctuation and it's a bitch when you have a space limit.

17. When someone promises you something important, always get it in writing. Don't wait to learn this the hard way.

18. If you drunkenly drop your phone (this can apply to cameras, too) and the battery comes out, IT IS NOT DEAD FOREVER. Do not throw it away.

19. Egg drop soup is not good. It looks and tastes like spunk (that's what I heard anyway)

20. Either always hit on 16 or never hit on 16. Blackjack is all about consistency.

21. Lying isn't worth the energy it takes.

22. As much as it sucks, when jeans are too old just throw them away. Don't chance accidental public rippage.

23. If Kid n Play stop you on the streets of Hollywood and perform a magic trick on you on live TV, pretend like you're impressed - don't just stand there and stare at them.

24. When you work a 9-5, search for a way that your work directly impacts people. It might be diluted, but it will make you happy to know. This may not apply to people who study rocks, I have no idea what good that does for mankind.

25. Approach life like you're waiting for a 54C. If you don't run out in front of it waving your arms around, it'll just pass right on by.


Christy said...

I second the ghoul comment. However, I liked the summer palace ;)

KB said...

i was just made fun of at work for laughing in my cube to myself and crying because i was laughing so hard. you are wise beyond your years hanerz.

Camilo said...

I can't help double spacing. I even do it in text messages.

Sumter said...

Just want to say that I love the blog. And you love the summer palace you just wont admit it. Once you got on the paddle boat you had the best time of your life.

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