9-12 Workday

I'm going to take a half day today. Here are the reasons:

1. My afternoon job boss is moving her office and I doubt there will be anything for me to do since she'll just be unpacking all afternoon.
2. I didn't have coffee today since the delicious French Vanilla creamer was replaced with Cinnamon Vanilla Cream. "Um..what?" says I when I see that a swap has been made. Sorry but I don't want my coffee tasting like Big Red.
3. I picked up my bike from the deep catecombs of 342 last night and I want to work on it this afternoon.

I'm excited, I got new wheels and a nice comfy new seat that I found in my aunt's old junk. I'm going to put those on and then clean her up and get he shining like new :-)

For some reason, all of my shirts have little holes in the same exact spot. The location I would describe as just below belly button and smack in the center. They're small holes but none-the-less annoying as H. I have some theories for this:

1. I buy cheap ass clothes
2. I have moths (this would also explain why my room smells like moth balls, although I brought this up to Craig once and he told me that moths don't smell like moth balls)
3. Somehow the friction between my jeans and my shirt is bifting a whole

I will settle with a combination of 1 and 2. Sucks though, I mean I can't just not wear pants...or can I??

Mamma Mia!

I think I am wearing a maternity dress today. I bought it at Old Navy last weekend and I know they have a maternity line. There's just alot more material than I am used to around the tummy region. Either way, I look stunning so whatever.

I have been seeing chick flick after chick flick since the old man's been away on vacation. Last night I watched August Rush, the night before was High School Musical, and my sister and I saw Mamma Mia in theaters on Sunday! I feel so spunky and upbeat!! And no MAN is ever going to get me down! Ugh, except this total creep job on the bus today. Now I know why some people carry around antibacterial hand stuff for riding the bus. I literally watched the guy pick a boogie, wipe it on the side wall of the bus and smear it all around. And when there was some still on his finger he moved on to wipe it all over the bus pole. And you can't just NOT hold on to the bus poles on the 54C since the driver's are loco. I need some Purell STAT!

So the past couple days I have been detoxing, and this time I was doing it right. I followed the Master Cleanse as recommended by Patrice and my sister, Carolyn. I did it for 2 full days and I really do feel great. I would have done it longer but I was losing energy like crazy. I'd read a chapter of an interesting novel (Cardiovascular Continuum Biomechanics) and then I'd just pass out for like 10 min. Maybe that was cause of the book... I really wasn't hungry though, despite not eating any solid food for 2 days and drinking only this concoction of lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. So I may continue this cleanse after crazy weekends or if I feel groggy. If I had done it for the whole 10 days, I could have lost 20 pounds! It's not easy though, I knew it was downhill for me when I learned about the saltwater flush. Good Lord, if there is a hell for me, I am sure it's lined with quarts of saltwater flush! This was absolutely awful. The point is that sea salt dissolved in lukewarm water is indigestible so it moves through your system cleaning things up and comes out pretty roughly. Now this process never followed all the way through for me....

The first night I did it, I pounded the drink with tears rolling down my face becuase it was awful. Anyone who knows me well knows I loathe the taste of salt, so the fact I was even doing this shows my committment to this damn cleanse. 1 quart (4 cups) of the saltwater and I was done, and dry heaving in the kitchen sink. So I layed on my right side, as instructed, and waited for the moment where it would come out. Welp, never happened, I guess my super gastric acids miraculously digested this stuff cause my digestive track was calm as a lamb all throughout High School Musical.

Next night, I did it again, a full quart of the nasty saltwater. This time I did it through a straw which was much better, so only shitty instead of god-awful. Haha, this story makes me laugh...I finish the flush, wipe the tears from my eyes, walk toward the living room to lie down, and immediately hurl up all 4 cups of it into my kitchen trash can. Thank goodness it was garbage night. I also assume I lost the only substance I had consumed that day cause my mouth tasted like lemon when I was done. Damnit. That's when I quit the cleanse and made dinner.

Get a Grip

How beautiful it was to see Sir-Nods-a-Lot and Asstastic sharing a bench on the bus today! Yes, I said bench, you know the kind to normally fit 3, but since Asstastic has an ass of 2 grown humans, it became a loveseat.

Some things I don't think I'll ever understand. Despite my engineering degree or my unyielding common sense, I just can not grasp them. For example... now I know this may be a shock since you all think I am a genius, but I can't understand fax machines. Yea, I know, I read the wikipedia post and I've thought about it but I'm still stumped. If it's so much like a copy machine, then how come there's no bright scanning light? And I get the concept of sending information through binary to code for black and white, but how does it (the fax) know when to code a zero or a one? I know I know, the scanner tells it...but that takes me back to the copy machine! Oh well, it works so I'll go with it.

Next up, car rear view mirrors. What is happening when you flip the switch at night and the mirror transforms to make lights not as bright. What's going on there? Is the mirror warping its shape? It seems like your facing it more upwards but then how come it isn't mirroring the ceiling? I want to investigate further but every time I think of it, I'm, well, driving!

I just overheard my boss say, "Well, money doesn't grow on trees." Whoever thought of that phrase must have been joking because money DOES grow on trees. It's paper.

When I came into work today at the lupus center there was book sitting on the counter and I really liked the title, "Get a Grip: How to take control of your arthritis"

Oh wit!

Quick Note... on BATMAN!

So Batman was awesome, I saw it last night at midnight. I highly recommend it. I can't write long today cause I am going to a snazzy lunch meeting at Sonoma Grille (ooh-la-la).

Anyway, this has been on my mind all day...

Hopefully you Batman fans will agree that Jim Gordon looks just like Ned Flanders!!!

Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why would I want to be anywhere else??

Lovely day here in Pittsburgh, PA. As my title suggests, the sun is shining and the yinzers are just as crazy as ever. As some of you may know, I make the daily commute to work via the 54C (54-sizzle) and today's post will introduce you to my comrades on the commute, or as I lovingly call them, the crazies. Of course, I know nothing about any of these people, not their names, their careers, their life ambitions. Occasionally, I learn more than I'd like to about their sex life, or their most recent post-nasal drip; but their identities remain a mystery.

The Villain -
I don't expect that he is actually a "crazy" since he works everyday and is always dressed nicely and well kept. He stands out none the less since he looks like an evil villain. I suspect he lives on my block since I creepily walk behind him on the way home everyday. It's not my fault that we get on and off the bus at the same time and have very similar gaits! Anyway, to assist your illustrative imaginations, I provide two images below that if blended form the very image of The Villian.




Big Voice, Little Person -
BVLP is truly an original, also probably not crazy, but I make assumptions, ya know? Well BVLP earned his name by repeatedly fooling me that he was a 7 foot tall black man while he actually stood as a 5'4 caucasian. For some reason he is always behind me on the bus and always talking to someone and I am ALWAYS surprised when I turn around to see his little body producing such a booming voice!

Sir Nods-a-lot -
Now Nods-a-lot, I believe, really is a crazy. He gets on the bus at the stop right before I get off in the mornings. Hence, I assume he works some sort of night shift at the hospital. From the second he gets on until I get off 2 blocks later, he is nodding away at me and other ladies and saying, "Hello", "Good Day", "Hi" or any combination of the aformentioned. Bless his heart, he's the kindest guy, at the same time, he'll always be known to me as Sir Nods-a-lot.

Ass-tastic -
Now, I know I'm not one to judge since I've been told once or twice that I have a ba-donk-a-donk...BUT! This thing is big, like real big! I think Sir-Mix-a-Lot said it best, "red beans and rice didn't miss her". I started out thinking Ass-tastic was a crazy since the first time I saw her she was standing in the middle of Liberty Ave., despite the construction men yelling at her cause she was blocking the way of their cement truck. But the more I learn about Ass-tastic (ie. the more I overhear her holler about) the more I think that she isn't clinically crazy, just a total nut! Either way, it's entertaining.



Yesterday, Craig and I were having dinner on the porch and wouldn't ya know it, we almost witnessed a TOTAL WRECK! Now this is nothing new at Gross Friends (our pet name for our house) since there are terrible road signs that direct traffic near the park we live across from. Well, imagine if you will: a 2 lane road with traffic going in opposite directions, cars parked on both side. Well a crazy POLICE CAR! comes barrelling through and the poor cars in his path try to get over but there's no where to really go since cars are parked on either side. So the loonie cop somehow manages to make it THROUGH the two cars going in opposite directions. This means that at one point, there were 5 cars on the road between the 2 curbs!! 2 parked, 2 driving, and the loonie cop. Craig and I were holding our breath and I nearly choked on my cauliflower!

Oh, it's a crazy city, we live in, ladies and gentlemen. Lily Allen, portrays the idea very nicely in her song, "LDN" which I have included below. It's a song for city folks, like us, who's days are enhanced by the random crazy city nonsense we get to see...free of cost!

Listed Sister

Well, another Thursday finds me in front of the data entry computer and hungover. Last night was "Hump Day Happy Hour" with the work gang that turned into an all out bar crawl.

Anyway, I'm up and running, onward and upward, I always say. Not really though.

As I was walking to work today from the bus stop, my mind wondered, as it often does. I was thinking about words that I mess up alot and I compiled the following the list:

Words that I confuse and coincidentally look ignorant:

5. Anthology with Anthropology
4. Affect and Effect (I know this happens to everyone but normal people learn how to correct this and I just never will)
3. Eccentric and Eclectic (even as I wrote this I began to write "Ecclentric", like what's up with that??)
2. Stain and Strain (now this one is just stupid, but my mind just cannot decipher the two. Ask Craig or Dallas - or just wait for me to talk to you about the "Andromeda Stain")
1. This is a good one, a phrase: GOOD RIDDANCE (I never knew that this was a somewhat bad thing to say, all my life i would just exchange it with GOOD LUCK! So people would be leaving and I'd be like, "See ya and good riddance!")

I make lists in my head all the time. Literally, everything I think about it listed in my brain. Why is this? Is it onset schitzophrenia? Like even right now, my mind is thinking "Things I list..." and making a list! I don't really mind it, I kind of like the way I entertain myself but if you hear anything like this is an early symptom of mental disease, please let me know.

TTFN = "ta ta for now", a Maggie Haney-O'Leary favorite

Fast and Loose

I tried to fast yesterday. It was Craig's idea to DETOX after the week's events of binge drinking, eating, hookah and other patriotic past-times. I figured I wouldn't eat all day Sunday or Monday. This would allow me to digest all the damage I have accumulated over the weekend and start fresh.

It's not that I couldn't handle it cause I could! I was just bored as hell and cooking a large Sunday dinner feast seemed to be the answer. It was great, I made spinach and provolone stuffed pork loin and homemade mashed potatoes.

>> This blog blurb is being entered from the MAC store! I am picking up my broke ass Mac Book and playing around on the Mac Air. Everyone here is very nic <<

I had to X out the window cause the guy who was helping me was coming back.

I don't have a lot to say today but I feel bad cause I have only blogged twice so far and I need something to do while my computer installs MATLAB. I just got it fixed and now I am going to blow its RAM with the mega-MathWorks. Also, how bout that, me getting back into MATLAB, ah I am so excited. Be prepared for frequent screen shots.

I will leave you with this list I thought out while I was walking from my house to the MAC store:

TOP 5 MOVIE SEQUELS THAT ARE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL:

5. The Mighty Ducks 2 (some may know it as D2: The Mighty Ducks)

4. Star Wars 2 (which is Return of the Jedi, I think, if I am wrong, than this entry is void because Return of the Jedi is the BEST! But all the old Star Wars are awesome, that's why this is only entry #4)

3. Each progressive Harry Potter is better than the last, however, none of them are better than the books.

2. Back to the Future 2 (We get to go to the 50's and to the future to see Biff!)

1. X-MEN 2 (So good I didn't even want to see the first one!)

Bono Fide

As I sit here entering clinical research data into a medical database, my mind casually wonders to events, conversations, arguments, and food stuffs of the past week. To name a few:

THE BURGLAR, THE BITCH, and THE BOTCHED DEGREE (aka my graduation party)

This little illiteration pretty closely sums up my college graduation party haha. Well I was home this weekend for a party in the honor of my high school graduate sister and me, the college grad. Freaking great party, really it was, but in retrospect there were some foul plays and some mysteries left unsolved.

INCIDENT #1 - FRIDAY NIGHT - Rowdy teens and instigating 20-somethings decide to "party like rap stars" by boozing and causing a raucus in my parent's hot tub. 3 hours, 2 cases, and myriad pruney body parts later the party moves into the house. I decide it's a good idea to beat my little sister with my college diploma that arrived in the mail that day. Ruined it. Damn. 4 years of engineering work for a piece of paper I destroy... This is why I'm hot.

INCIDENT #2 - SATURDAY AFTERNOON - I get word that my family is planning a relay race for me and my sister to compete in. Being the competive and uber creative competitor (competitive competitor?) I decide to go upstairs and plan out an outfit to distract Micky while also dazzling the crowd. After 30 minutes, I come down stairs decked out in leggings, tie died shirt and shorts, dread locks wig, Rocky Balboa headband, war paint, and shin guards. I strut my stuff downstairs acting cocky like I'm some sort of superhero... I see Micky and wave and she storms up to me, shoves me, and says "YOU RUINED MY PARTY!", "uh what?" I retort... She runs out of the room and I am left standing in front of all the guests looking like a complete tool. I changed.

INCIDENT #3 - SATURDAY EVENING - Some little punk stole money from my graduation gift box. Not alot but probably like 50 or so. Jerk.

NEXT THOUGHT ----> Why does everyone hate Bono?
Now I'm not going to go on and on about this but I would just like to make a point. Or, I guess, a counterargument to all those people who hate Bono cause he is humanitarian and coincidentally very famous.

If I stand on my little soapbox and say, "Hey all you people, get smart! Start taking care of the planet and she'll take care of you!" If I do that, some guy will just hand me a buck and say, "crack kills, kid, get yourself a coffee." INSTEAD, we let Bono do it and things actually are getting done! What's wrong with someone famous letting the word be heard?!? Ok, this is going too deep already, just wanted to make the point.

I am listening to Kimya Dawson right now on my new iTouch and I like this lyric:
"They think we're disposable, well both my thumbs opposable
Are spelled out on a double word and triple letter score"

YAY SCRABBLE!

My next blog will be a dateline-esque investigation of the Recycling Initiative in Pittsburgh.... or LACK THERE OF!

Till then, I am most sincerely yours ;-)