Every Rose has its Thorn

This title is not quite relevant. Sub in "TV Show" for "Rose" and "Annoying Character" for "Thorn" since that's really what I plan on discussing today.

First some logistics. This is my 96th post. A few more and I've reached the Century Club. Something special is going to happen in that post, my friends. Hang tight.

Moving on. I've become QUITE the TV junkie lately. Reasons for this are under speculation, but I think my insomnia, addiction to my computer, and slow night hospital shifts are to blame. Really, you should see this as a good thing... because if I wasn't a TV junkie, that would mean my hospital shifts were busy and that would mean patients were coding and dying and no one wants that!! So be happy that this is my life! You're welcome!

To paraphrase the great Redfoo of LMFAO, "I'm running through these [shows] like Drano". In the past two years I have started and finished or caught up on the following: Lost, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Sons of Anarchy, Hung (yes, Hung), Game of Thrones, Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Walking Dead, and Mad Men... and I'm not even including the fluffy Thursday night line up, The Bachelor/ette Franchise, and Glee. So yea, it's been pretty intense.

You don't get through that much silver screen with out having some peeves. So I'd like to take this opportunity to list the top 5 characters I effing hate the most.

5. Deb (Dexter)

Deb is the first of 3 annoying characters who secretly love their brothers. WTF, ladies? Anyway, Deb sucks. Her potty mouth makes me cringe, are you sure that they exorcised you, Emily Rose?? Are you sure?? Cause it sounds to me like you still have some demons living in there. No wonder Dex was outtie on their marriage, I mean c'mon, even I know profanities aren't sexy.

4. Skylar (Breaking Bad)

Hey Skylar, you're like 45, why do you have a baby? And why are you such a C-U-Next-Tuesday? Your husband who is hot and a total BAMF is not only raking in mad dough for you and your hot crippled son, but he's also getting LOADS of street cred, which really is more than any woman could ask for. Wake up and smoke the meth, Sky!

3. Shannon (Lost)

I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I was so happy when she died. It's true, I grinned like a butcher's dog. If I was stranded on a mystical island with her, I would kill her. I would sacrifice her to the smoke monster faster than you could say, "live together die alone". And then I would sex it up with her brother Boone and her lover Sayid on top of her dead body. Yea, I hate Shannon.

2. Ryan P (The Bachelorette: Ashley's Season)

Whoooo lordy, was Ryan P ever a loser! Just look at his stupid face. I can't believe he made it as far as he did. Ashley is an idiot too, she signed her death warrant by giving him that first impression rose. Dumb dumb dumb. Oh well they both are out of their 15 minutes of fame, and you know what I say to that, GOOD RIDDANCE!

1. Brenda (Six Feet Under)

Brenda is the worst. Truer words have never been spoken. Nate Fisher was a cool dude before stupid effing Brenda. "Ohhh look at me, I have sexual relations with my crazy brother and I'm a genius and there's a stupid book written about me when I was a stupid kid and I give massages but really I'm a whoreee" UGH. I really hate Brenda, you guys.

Basically, I hate supporting actresses who give my men a hard time. Lay off, bitches. Let's finish this rant on a positive note.

JAX

Solution to an Age-old Problem

First of all - my capitalization in this post title is all askew. Can someone put me in my place? "To" and "an" should not be capitalized, right? Should "old"? Even if it's a conjecture? What the hell is a conjecture? O well scru grammerz!

So this happens to everyone - you have a small chat, more like an interaction really, with a stranger at some establishment. It's nice, it's whatever. Maybe you discuss the food you just ordered, the loud crash that the busboy just caused, the weather. Some banal bullshit to pass the time while you wait for your everything bagel to crawl its slow ass through that rolling toaster.

You get your treat, bid your new acquaintance "farewell" and book it the hell out of there, cause let's be honest this place is so below you. But low and behold, your new pal just got his orange mocha frappaccino and is walking right behind you. "Ughhh", you mumble. Seriously, who doesn't cringe when this happens? You've already said goodbye, now you have to awkwardly walk next to each other like you don't even know each other is there. It's the worst.

Well this happened to me today. This happens to me alot, actually. I was at Panera pacing between the bakery and the restaurant deciding if I wanted breakfast or lunch (it was 10:45, what would you have done?!). I got both. Anyway, as I'm pacing around, I get in the way of this tall yinzer dude not once, but three times! By the third time we giggled about it and shared the obvious, "are you following me?!" stupid quip. I get my food stuffs, go to leave, and who's hot on my tails but my sandwich shop stalker. "Ha ha!" we both force out, and as he holds the door for me to leave, we exchange "have a good day!", "you too!" blah-de-blah.

Another audible "Ughhhh". He's walking right next to me in the parking lot. Mind you, I'm parked on the farthest side of the lot. Apparently, so is he. I'm feeling physically distressed by this point, I consider taking a knee to concede. But I grin and bear it, our shifty head movements show that we both know how lame and awkward this is. As we reach our cars, I start to panic, do I have to say goodbye again? Is it rude if I just take off??

But then, cool as day, in the perfect tone, with the perfect grace, my likeable yinzer solved this age-old problem. As he opened the door of his rusty flatbed, he said, "Go Stillers!"

...And that's how it's done.