Top 10 List of Men No Guy I Meet will EVER Live Up To

It's true. We all know what we want in a guy, and these guys have it ad nauseum. Sorry to the other fellas out there who can only hope to fall in position #11.

#10. David Byrne

Not only is this vocal stunner a founding member of my number 1 all-time favorite band (Talking Heads), BUT he is so incredibly interesting that it literally tires me. I read the Talking Heads documentary a couple years ago, "This Must Be the Place" and I recommend it to TH fans and all music lovers out there. Fun fact: Byrne is also a total cycle enthusiast, he's been biking around NYC his whole life and actually writes a cycling column in the New York Times

#9. Conan O'Brien
Yep, I picked the jeggings picture. You all know why. What a talent. Really, this Conan character will go down with the best of em. Andy Kauffman, Johnny Carson, Kermit the Frog. I love him to pieces. My sister and I used to watch Late Night with Conan O'Brien after my mom thought we were sleeping. I blame him for my insomnia, and wit.

#8. Ira Glass
Another wonderful dude behind a desk, my man, Ira Glass. The voice of NPR and host of America's #1 podcast, "This American Life". If you haven't listened to the podcast, you are SERIOUSLY without. Download it free on iTunes, right now, do it. Or watch visually and instantly on Netflix. It's an incredibly well-produced and informative radio show (something we TV junkies have lost appreciation for). So light your pipe, sit in your armchair with a dog at your feet, and turn on the ole speaker box for tonight's show!

#7. Sanjay Gupta
It's no myth that chicks dig the white coat. And my guess is Sanjay looks pretty good underneath it too! "Paging Dr. Gupta" is a terrific blog. It provides introspective questions, global relevance, and medical know-how at a level appropriate for the American public. God bless you, Dr. Gupta... now let's make out.

#6. Jack Shephard
Hey look, another medicinal man! Ok ok, so Jack isn't real. Not since the island kept him for itself, anyway. But this man is a powerhouse, a leader, a prophet. All that, "live together or die alone" stuff, wooo wee. Even Matthew Fox could never live up to those cahonies.

#5. Mario Lemieux
Pittsburgh-phile, hockey great, philanthropist, friend. Well he's not my friend, per se, but I don't see why he wouldn't be? He saved the Pens from moving out of Pittsburgh, tried to save the Pirates from the stank hole they are currently in, and saves lives through his cancer outreach initiatives. And cute to boot! Every girl loves a hockey booty.

#4. Anderson Cooper
Wooo, this one got a big smooch from the sexy fairy. Which also coincidentally convinced him to become a fairy. Eh well, if there's just 1 out of these 10 that I have no chance with, I suppose I am ok with that. His face and voice alone are untouchable by terrestrial beings, but then he's so intelligent and aware and altruistic. Plus, his mom is a designer, FABULOUS!

#3. SmarterChild
From Paul Davidson on Wired.com
How is SmarterChild so smart? Rly? Like WTF? asl, SmarterChild?? Too bad, the bots gone now though :-( replaced by that bitch, GossipinGabby.

#2. Dr. Christiaan Barnard
Now, granted, when Dr. Barnard performed the first ever successful heart transplant surgery in South Africa, you could basically put anything in anyone at any time under the poor state of medical regulations. BUT STILL, what a pioneer. How brave and confident. He set into motion a fascinating field of transplant surgery that would eventually give birth to my field! Yay for mechanical device implantation!

#1. Paul Newman.
Kill me, I can barely look at this. Swoon.
My heart just skipped a beat. Paul Newman was all American, all brawn. He's played a cowboy, a con man, even a hockey player. Nothing not to love. I like this quote, "If Marlon Brando and James Dean defined the defiant American male as a sullen rebel, Paul Newman recreated him as a likable renegade". He was such a sweetheart right up to his death in 2008. He stayed besties with Robert Redford (who's aging about as gracefully as a $5 pizza). And he also tops my "list of dressings no dressing will ever live up to"
Pour it on, honey.

But of course, as Frenchy so eloquently puts it in Grease, "The only man a girl can trust is her daddy".

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a cold shower.

Nirvana and Against Me!

So I just napped in the quiet room of Benedum Library - something I haven't done since college! It's nirvana in that room. I can take my shoes off, sprawl out, and it's absolutely silent. Only con is that it's surrounded by windows so every engineer and their brother (...or sister) can watch my sleepy time habits.

People I am fed up with:
1. Dr. Federspiel - just a play on words here, although I am FED up with him and his math homework assignments
2. MEDCO - I am trying to get my prescription mail ordered to me so I don't have to pay $45 every month and go to CVS and wait on that dumb red couch, but everytime I call to work it out there's an issue. Either I have to get my pharmacy to fax the prescription AGAIN or their computers are down, or my phone dies (ok, so that's my problem but still...)
3. Construction workers at Benedum. As if you could possibly fit any more skeezy men into this building, they go and hire 50,000 construction workers to gawk at the females, piss on the co-ed toilet seats, and chatter outside the classrooms all day. Also, I have come to the conclusion that a construction workers day consists of 10% construction work, 70% eating lunch, and 20% going to the bathroom.

That's my rant. Obviously I am a little cranky when I wake up from naps. I have to go to Fed's class now and BS my homework assignment.

Take care, cyber kids.

OH! And guess what?! Against Me! is playing at Garfield Artworks, literally a block from my house! If anyone out there is an Anarco-punk fan looking for some fun, let me know and I'll get ya tickets! Show's Nov. 23 (sorry, Ved).

9-12 Workday

I'm going to take a half day today. Here are the reasons:

1. My afternoon job boss is moving her office and I doubt there will be anything for me to do since she'll just be unpacking all afternoon.
2. I didn't have coffee today since the delicious French Vanilla creamer was replaced with Cinnamon Vanilla Cream. "Um..what?" says I when I see that a swap has been made. Sorry but I don't want my coffee tasting like Big Red.
3. I picked up my bike from the deep catecombs of 342 last night and I want to work on it this afternoon.

I'm excited, I got new wheels and a nice comfy new seat that I found in my aunt's old junk. I'm going to put those on and then clean her up and get he shining like new :-)

For some reason, all of my shirts have little holes in the same exact spot. The location I would describe as just below belly button and smack in the center. They're small holes but none-the-less annoying as H. I have some theories for this:

1. I buy cheap ass clothes
2. I have moths (this would also explain why my room smells like moth balls, although I brought this up to Craig once and he told me that moths don't smell like moth balls)
3. Somehow the friction between my jeans and my shirt is bifting a whole

I will settle with a combination of 1 and 2. Sucks though, I mean I can't just not wear pants...or can I??

Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why would I want to be anywhere else??

Lovely day here in Pittsburgh, PA. As my title suggests, the sun is shining and the yinzers are just as crazy as ever. As some of you may know, I make the daily commute to work via the 54C (54-sizzle) and today's post will introduce you to my comrades on the commute, or as I lovingly call them, the crazies. Of course, I know nothing about any of these people, not their names, their careers, their life ambitions. Occasionally, I learn more than I'd like to about their sex life, or their most recent post-nasal drip; but their identities remain a mystery.

The Villain -
I don't expect that he is actually a "crazy" since he works everyday and is always dressed nicely and well kept. He stands out none the less since he looks like an evil villain. I suspect he lives on my block since I creepily walk behind him on the way home everyday. It's not my fault that we get on and off the bus at the same time and have very similar gaits! Anyway, to assist your illustrative imaginations, I provide two images below that if blended form the very image of The Villian.




Big Voice, Little Person -
BVLP is truly an original, also probably not crazy, but I make assumptions, ya know? Well BVLP earned his name by repeatedly fooling me that he was a 7 foot tall black man while he actually stood as a 5'4 caucasian. For some reason he is always behind me on the bus and always talking to someone and I am ALWAYS surprised when I turn around to see his little body producing such a booming voice!

Sir Nods-a-lot -
Now Nods-a-lot, I believe, really is a crazy. He gets on the bus at the stop right before I get off in the mornings. Hence, I assume he works some sort of night shift at the hospital. From the second he gets on until I get off 2 blocks later, he is nodding away at me and other ladies and saying, "Hello", "Good Day", "Hi" or any combination of the aformentioned. Bless his heart, he's the kindest guy, at the same time, he'll always be known to me as Sir Nods-a-lot.

Ass-tastic -
Now, I know I'm not one to judge since I've been told once or twice that I have a ba-donk-a-donk...BUT! This thing is big, like real big! I think Sir-Mix-a-Lot said it best, "red beans and rice didn't miss her". I started out thinking Ass-tastic was a crazy since the first time I saw her she was standing in the middle of Liberty Ave., despite the construction men yelling at her cause she was blocking the way of their cement truck. But the more I learn about Ass-tastic (ie. the more I overhear her holler about) the more I think that she isn't clinically crazy, just a total nut! Either way, it's entertaining.



Yesterday, Craig and I were having dinner on the porch and wouldn't ya know it, we almost witnessed a TOTAL WRECK! Now this is nothing new at Gross Friends (our pet name for our house) since there are terrible road signs that direct traffic near the park we live across from. Well, imagine if you will: a 2 lane road with traffic going in opposite directions, cars parked on both side. Well a crazy POLICE CAR! comes barrelling through and the poor cars in his path try to get over but there's no where to really go since cars are parked on either side. So the loonie cop somehow manages to make it THROUGH the two cars going in opposite directions. This means that at one point, there were 5 cars on the road between the 2 curbs!! 2 parked, 2 driving, and the loonie cop. Craig and I were holding our breath and I nearly choked on my cauliflower!

Oh, it's a crazy city, we live in, ladies and gentlemen. Lily Allen, portrays the idea very nicely in her song, "LDN" which I have included below. It's a song for city folks, like us, who's days are enhanced by the random crazy city nonsense we get to see...free of cost!

Listed Sister

Well, another Thursday finds me in front of the data entry computer and hungover. Last night was "Hump Day Happy Hour" with the work gang that turned into an all out bar crawl.

Anyway, I'm up and running, onward and upward, I always say. Not really though.

As I was walking to work today from the bus stop, my mind wondered, as it often does. I was thinking about words that I mess up alot and I compiled the following the list:

Words that I confuse and coincidentally look ignorant:

5. Anthology with Anthropology
4. Affect and Effect (I know this happens to everyone but normal people learn how to correct this and I just never will)
3. Eccentric and Eclectic (even as I wrote this I began to write "Ecclentric", like what's up with that??)
2. Stain and Strain (now this one is just stupid, but my mind just cannot decipher the two. Ask Craig or Dallas - or just wait for me to talk to you about the "Andromeda Stain")
1. This is a good one, a phrase: GOOD RIDDANCE (I never knew that this was a somewhat bad thing to say, all my life i would just exchange it with GOOD LUCK! So people would be leaving and I'd be like, "See ya and good riddance!")

I make lists in my head all the time. Literally, everything I think about it listed in my brain. Why is this? Is it onset schitzophrenia? Like even right now, my mind is thinking "Things I list..." and making a list! I don't really mind it, I kind of like the way I entertain myself but if you hear anything like this is an early symptom of mental disease, please let me know.

TTFN = "ta ta for now", a Maggie Haney-O'Leary favorite

Fast and Loose

I tried to fast yesterday. It was Craig's idea to DETOX after the week's events of binge drinking, eating, hookah and other patriotic past-times. I figured I wouldn't eat all day Sunday or Monday. This would allow me to digest all the damage I have accumulated over the weekend and start fresh.

It's not that I couldn't handle it cause I could! I was just bored as hell and cooking a large Sunday dinner feast seemed to be the answer. It was great, I made spinach and provolone stuffed pork loin and homemade mashed potatoes.

>> This blog blurb is being entered from the MAC store! I am picking up my broke ass Mac Book and playing around on the Mac Air. Everyone here is very nic <<

I had to X out the window cause the guy who was helping me was coming back.

I don't have a lot to say today but I feel bad cause I have only blogged twice so far and I need something to do while my computer installs MATLAB. I just got it fixed and now I am going to blow its RAM with the mega-MathWorks. Also, how bout that, me getting back into MATLAB, ah I am so excited. Be prepared for frequent screen shots.

I will leave you with this list I thought out while I was walking from my house to the MAC store:

TOP 5 MOVIE SEQUELS THAT ARE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL:

5. The Mighty Ducks 2 (some may know it as D2: The Mighty Ducks)

4. Star Wars 2 (which is Return of the Jedi, I think, if I am wrong, than this entry is void because Return of the Jedi is the BEST! But all the old Star Wars are awesome, that's why this is only entry #4)

3. Each progressive Harry Potter is better than the last, however, none of them are better than the books.

2. Back to the Future 2 (We get to go to the 50's and to the future to see Biff!)

1. X-MEN 2 (So good I didn't even want to see the first one!)

TGIF

It's blog time, ladies and gentlemen. I have tinkered in the blogging arena a few times before but never really kept up with it. The benefits to beginning this committment, for me, are threefold -

1. I have something to do at work
2. I can (hopefully) recieve feedback on the little ventures I take on
3. well the obvious one.. I can become FAMOUS!

It's Friday afternoon,

I am at job #1 (there are about 5 jobs I am holding right now, see list below) and I finished the work that is supposed to take me 4.5 hours in 15 minutes.

This is why I sleep in everyday.

MY SUMMER JOBS (in no particular order):
1. Data entry person for the Women's Hospital
2. I train college freshman/budding scientists the art of mouse dissection and tissue processing
3. Courier
4. I'm helping to plan a chef competition benefit event
5. I'm beginning my graduate work by debugging a MATLAB program that calculated the strain energy function of arteries based on biaxial load data
6. Homemaker

Haha, not really a homemaker, although, I just moved into a new apartment and it's alot of work.
So for today's post, I would like to present to you a unmistakeable resemblance that is as complex as it is engaging. I came upon this interesting observation because I have become consumed byNetflix and back seasons of The Simpsons...

I think Homer Simpson looks just like Bruce Willis! See below:


Questions, comments, thoughts, concerns?

(NOTE: my statistics TA would say this all the time, like 4 times per recitation, and it drove me nuts!)