Life as a Ph.D. Student

Getting out of bed in the morning




Getting into lab at 11am and no one is there




Your paper has been accepted




Your published paper is loaded with typos




Advisor catches you sleeping at your desk




Meet your new undergraduate




Undergrad thinks you're just amazing




Taking the class that your advisor teaches




Getting the answer right




Getting the answer wrong




Handing in the draft you finished at 4am




Listening to your advisor's critique




Getting out of lab and it's still light out




Seeing your advisor in the real world




Every time you drive past your lab building




Friday night

Top Gunn

I watched Top Gun last night. For the first time ever. Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer used to be so hot. And I'm sure they would agree since the homoeroticism of that movie was palpable. Also, "Take My Breath Away" is a very steamy song.

Now I am watching "Project Runway", where the homoeroticism comes from a different kind of gun. Tim Gunn! What a man. I am making my New Year's Resolution for 2012 to be more like Tim Gunn. He's sassy and classy, a critical thinker, fair and honest, and obviously super well-dressed. "Make it work!"

What are your resolutions?

Every Rose has its Thorn

This title is not quite relevant. Sub in "TV Show" for "Rose" and "Annoying Character" for "Thorn" since that's really what I plan on discussing today.

First some logistics. This is my 96th post. A few more and I've reached the Century Club. Something special is going to happen in that post, my friends. Hang tight.

Moving on. I've become QUITE the TV junkie lately. Reasons for this are under speculation, but I think my insomnia, addiction to my computer, and slow night hospital shifts are to blame. Really, you should see this as a good thing... because if I wasn't a TV junkie, that would mean my hospital shifts were busy and that would mean patients were coding and dying and no one wants that!! So be happy that this is my life! You're welcome!

To paraphrase the great Redfoo of LMFAO, "I'm running through these [shows] like Drano". In the past two years I have started and finished or caught up on the following: Lost, Six Feet Under, Arrested Development, Sons of Anarchy, Hung (yes, Hung), Game of Thrones, Weeds, Breaking Bad, Dexter, The Walking Dead, and Mad Men... and I'm not even including the fluffy Thursday night line up, The Bachelor/ette Franchise, and Glee. So yea, it's been pretty intense.

You don't get through that much silver screen with out having some peeves. So I'd like to take this opportunity to list the top 5 characters I effing hate the most.

5. Deb (Dexter)

Deb is the first of 3 annoying characters who secretly love their brothers. WTF, ladies? Anyway, Deb sucks. Her potty mouth makes me cringe, are you sure that they exorcised you, Emily Rose?? Are you sure?? Cause it sounds to me like you still have some demons living in there. No wonder Dex was outtie on their marriage, I mean c'mon, even I know profanities aren't sexy.

4. Skylar (Breaking Bad)

Hey Skylar, you're like 45, why do you have a baby? And why are you such a C-U-Next-Tuesday? Your husband who is hot and a total BAMF is not only raking in mad dough for you and your hot crippled son, but he's also getting LOADS of street cred, which really is more than any woman could ask for. Wake up and smoke the meth, Sky!

3. Shannon (Lost)

I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I hate Shannon. I was so happy when she died. It's true, I grinned like a butcher's dog. If I was stranded on a mystical island with her, I would kill her. I would sacrifice her to the smoke monster faster than you could say, "live together die alone". And then I would sex it up with her brother Boone and her lover Sayid on top of her dead body. Yea, I hate Shannon.

2. Ryan P (The Bachelorette: Ashley's Season)

Whoooo lordy, was Ryan P ever a loser! Just look at his stupid face. I can't believe he made it as far as he did. Ashley is an idiot too, she signed her death warrant by giving him that first impression rose. Dumb dumb dumb. Oh well they both are out of their 15 minutes of fame, and you know what I say to that, GOOD RIDDANCE!

1. Brenda (Six Feet Under)

Brenda is the worst. Truer words have never been spoken. Nate Fisher was a cool dude before stupid effing Brenda. "Ohhh look at me, I have sexual relations with my crazy brother and I'm a genius and there's a stupid book written about me when I was a stupid kid and I give massages but really I'm a whoreee" UGH. I really hate Brenda, you guys.

Basically, I hate supporting actresses who give my men a hard time. Lay off, bitches. Let's finish this rant on a positive note.

JAX

Solution to an Age-old Problem

First of all - my capitalization in this post title is all askew. Can someone put me in my place? "To" and "an" should not be capitalized, right? Should "old"? Even if it's a conjecture? What the hell is a conjecture? O well scru grammerz!

So this happens to everyone - you have a small chat, more like an interaction really, with a stranger at some establishment. It's nice, it's whatever. Maybe you discuss the food you just ordered, the loud crash that the busboy just caused, the weather. Some banal bullshit to pass the time while you wait for your everything bagel to crawl its slow ass through that rolling toaster.

You get your treat, bid your new acquaintance "farewell" and book it the hell out of there, cause let's be honest this place is so below you. But low and behold, your new pal just got his orange mocha frappaccino and is walking right behind you. "Ughhh", you mumble. Seriously, who doesn't cringe when this happens? You've already said goodbye, now you have to awkwardly walk next to each other like you don't even know each other is there. It's the worst.

Well this happened to me today. This happens to me alot, actually. I was at Panera pacing between the bakery and the restaurant deciding if I wanted breakfast or lunch (it was 10:45, what would you have done?!). I got both. Anyway, as I'm pacing around, I get in the way of this tall yinzer dude not once, but three times! By the third time we giggled about it and shared the obvious, "are you following me?!" stupid quip. I get my food stuffs, go to leave, and who's hot on my tails but my sandwich shop stalker. "Ha ha!" we both force out, and as he holds the door for me to leave, we exchange "have a good day!", "you too!" blah-de-blah.

Another audible "Ughhhh". He's walking right next to me in the parking lot. Mind you, I'm parked on the farthest side of the lot. Apparently, so is he. I'm feeling physically distressed by this point, I consider taking a knee to concede. But I grin and bear it, our shifty head movements show that we both know how lame and awkward this is. As we reach our cars, I start to panic, do I have to say goodbye again? Is it rude if I just take off??

But then, cool as day, in the perfect tone, with the perfect grace, my likeable yinzer solved this age-old problem. As he opened the door of his rusty flatbed, he said, "Go Stillers!"

...And that's how it's done.

Geeking Out

I've been hella nerdy lately. I mean, more so than usual. Between the HP7.2 premiere party, my bioengineering softball team, and Ph.D. proposal writing, I have really lost any ground I've ever gained toward being cool. I don't hate it. Here are some things I want, to supplement my dorkdom.

For my swag:


(it's a ferrous wheel!)

In case you were wondering

This is what I do all day.

I was going to make a sexy cool infographic, but as you can see, that's not part of my daily routine.

toodles.

Doesn't he totally look like...

I haven't done any good comparisons in awhile.

Doesn't Adam Sandler totally look like Bob Dylan?



This has been done before, but really, doesn't Brad Pitt totally look like Robert Redford??



This one is so identical it is actually stupid. But thank the heaven's there are two men on earth that look like this. Doesn't Jeffrey Dean Morgan totally look like Javier Bardem?



And my forever favorite, doesn't my buddy Ravi totally look like Aziz Ansari??



...and again...



...and again.

Call for Posters

Looking for a science fair project?! Of course you are! Basic science is not dead, comrades, and you don't need a trifold poster board to present data that people will want to see. Follow my lead and conduct some basic science this week. Make observations, formulate a hypothesis, test your predictions, and repeat. Or at least think about it?

I don't even know this kid. Maybe it's messed up to use this picture? He won though, must have biopsied dead vampires?

Here are my ideas for some science projects that are sure to earn a blue - or AT LEAST red - ribbon in the upper left hand corner of your floppy pastey poster.

1. Potty Preference
Everyone has been there, you enter a bathroom with like 4-6 stalls. Which do you choose? I would like to see someone run a randomized statistical study about the probabilities underlying toilet usage. Results could predict the sanitation levels and if they are uniform among the stalls, if they're not, maybe new cleaning protocols should be enforced? My guess is that usage follows a Gaussian distribution. After all, the first bathroom is probably gross cause that's the one people rush to when they really gotta go, and the last one is probably gross cause people figure its on the end and out of the way and more private. So the middle would probably be safest. But that's just one scientist's prediction.
This infographic took a long time to make

2. Don't Just Sit There!
With science fairs, and science in general, it's all about trends. You pick a topic that is trendy at the time, and throw in some buzzwords, and you're sure to see some blue. What's trendy now? The war against sitting. You've read the articles, everyone is talking about how sitting is the nation's newest killer. Whatever, standing can cause orthostatic hypotension, arthritis, and blood clots. Either way, do a project on sitting. Take some vitals on a set of study participants at the start of 30 days. Then write a computer program (where my engineers at?) that prompts the user to stand up and sit back down every 20 minutes. Track weight, blood pressure, cognition, sex drive, whatever over the month and see just how deadly sitting is. Ohh! Parallel study - test the increase in aggressive behaviors in those who are interrupted every 20 minutes versus those who are allowed to work in peace.

3. Hangover Helper
Can someone do this please? I'm dying for some empirical data to surface. Test different hangover remedies and debunk the ones that don't work. This is not trivial, folks. A lot of attention to experimental controls must be given. The level of drunk must be carefully monitored and kept uniform so the hangovers feel the same every time. I seem to have this down to an art, so feel free to include me as a co-author. My mom always refers me to greasy food (sometimes I even have some in my purse from the night before!), doesn't always cut it, though. I've heard that pregaming with Pedialyte is a new fix? I don't know, it's one of those questions that has rattled the very core of science for centuries. Screw the blue prize, this project has NOBEL in its future.

So there's some seeds for you to culminate. Make me proud, fledgeling scientists. I should start a grant program, in my honor.

Today's Post is Brought to you by the Letter:

R for "revenge". Revenge has dominated my day today. Not by my actions, no no, I am passively pacifist, meaning no one cares about me enough to start any conflicts.

But, obviously, the news of the week regarding the murder of Osama Bin Laden has had people buzzing with emotion. Personally, I thought he was already dead? From where I stand though, I see two camps forming. The first camp, led by the Count of Monte Cristo is jubilant at the death of the mass-murderer. "Eye for an eye", I can hear them shouting as they storm cities with their torches. I get that, I do, god forbid one of my loved ones had died that day, I presume I would be incredible vengeful. Hard to say.

Then there's the other camp, led by Jesus Christ. Quoting Martin Luther King, Jr. on Facebook and spelling retaliation with a "wr" (get it, cause it's wrong?). They've turned the other cheek so many times, you'd think they had 247 cheeks. Ha, funny imagery. But in all seriousness, I understand this point too, I mean demanding justice shouldn't be the only way to grieve.

I don't take a side, and I certainly don't think that we are "safe" now. No sir, I think we may have just poured a giant bucket of wake-up water on the opposition. Hmm... I think we've been pouring water on Al Qaeda for quite awhile...



Anywayyyy so that's the first revenge-related happening of my day. Then when I was walking to school I was listening to a podcast about decapitation. Fun fact: Did you know that AFTER your head is entirely severed from your body, you have the ability to process pain and emotion for 4 SECONDS! This guy can chug a 40 in 4 seconds, think of all the other things that can be taken in in 4 seconds!



I guess that's it, but it is a lot to take in for one - otherwise pleasant - Tuesday. Oh, also, while I was waiting for my shuttle to take me to campus I found a bargain bookstore and bought, "The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals" by Charles Darwin. I bought it cause after my decapitation podcast, I was thinking about how the face demonstrates emotions and how they can still change after you're head is cut off, and how morbidly horrific that would be to see.

Anyway, HAPPY TUESDAY!

Toot

I rarely toot my own horn. Especially regarding this whole science thing that I preoccupy my time with. But I just got word this week that 2 manuscripts I have co-authored were accepted for publication.

One in the Journal of Applied Physiology - I revised a mathematical model for determining strain energy of blood vessels.

The other in the Journal for the American Thoracic Society - I ran some statistics for a cardiothoracic surgeon working with pediatric heart disease.

Things are looking up. Haney, JL coming at ya.

Sorry that was stuffy as all get out. I'm still no where near as accomplished as this guy:

Perks of Not Sleeping

Sunrise in Bethlehem.

Echo Chamber

There was an article in Wired this month about this thing called the "echo chamber" effect. Naturally, as everything else, it got me thinking.

So the "echo chamber" effect is one of the many dangers of the internet age. It's the worry that people too commonly seek out like-minded peers to gather their daily dose of opinion and information. In doing so, they shut off new branches of thought and really just reinforce their own beliefs.

I am totally guilty of this.

If it's not alternative, progressive, or liberal in nature, I have not been hearing about it. I blame databasing and web personalization. You know, the whole, "if you liked ABC, you'll love XYZ". How does the internet know that I won't love PQRS if it never asked me about JKLM? Even Netflix tailors my movie selections based on my pre-programmed tastes. Not that I don't adore crime thrillers based on books, action/adventures starring Paul Newman, feel good romantic comedies, and witty independent dramas, but who does Netflix think it is for boxing me in? (I took those right off my Netflix home page, what happened to comedy and action as labels?) Sheesh, I need to widen my filters a bit.

If I had any spare time at all I would recode the algorithms of the internet to include, "you may like this if you gave it a try" types of suggestions. But I'm busy this week.

Lovely

Found this picture of my mom on her wedding day. Stunning.

Good weekend. Good weather. Good company.